Drunk in Love

Day drinking is dangerous. Sometimes you end up hung over by 5pm, sometimes you end up banging your 22-year-old waiter in his mom’s basement.

My sister and I had had a particularly rough week so we decided to meet up for some buffalo cauliflower and sangria. Two pitchers of sangria later we had gotten pretty friendly with our waiter who was relatively new to the area. I don’t remember how it came up but he mentioned that he would want to hang out with us sometime and get drinks, so I gave him my number in the least creepy way it could possibly be when you’re giving your random waiter your number, so we could all hang out sometime. We decided to go to a cheaper bar down the street and said he was welcome to meet us there if he was going to get cut any time soon.

Making new friends is super awkward especially in a situation like that. I was mostly just trying to be friendly, and I honestly didn’t expect to hear from him ever again, to be honest, I thought he was probably going to think I was super creepy for giving him my number even though I didn’t have any intentions beyond friendship. It only took about 20 minutes for him to text me and ask if we had made it to the other pub yet. He met us there a couple of hours later. I wasn’t expecting him to meet us there, and I really wasn’t expecting him to sit next to me and start playing footsie under the table with me either,

I had barely rolled out of bed that morning, I hadn’t done laundry in three weeks, I was wearing my last resort mom jeans, no makeup, and my hair was so full of dry shampoo that the only thing I could do with it was wearing it in a shitty bun on top of my head. I wasn’t even wearing deodorant because I had just gotten all my waxing done, my eyebrows were probably still red. But here I was sitting in a bar looking like one step above a people of Walmart submission and this hot 22 year old is rubbing my leg under the table.

To be clear from the minute we left the restaurant my sister was convinced that he was trying to hook up with me, or her, or both of us. Shes married so I was really the only feasible option. I just thought we were going to have the next greatest friendship story, that is not what happened.

I don’t really remember a lot of the details  that led up to me leaving the bar with him that night, but judging by my texts from my sister from that day I know that she “didn’t want to cock block me”, which she certainly didn’t if anything she was the cock enabler, world-class wing woman. Anyway, the next thing I knew I was in this kids moms basement having the type of sex you would expect to have with a 22-year-old, and when I came out of his bathroom I was face to face with his 12-year-old brother which was somehow more awkward than it would’ve been if I had come face to face with his mom.

When it was over he dropped me off at my car and went to go sell weed, which was exactly the thing I would expect a 22-year-old to do after banging some almost 30-year-old woman. All of this happened before 8pm…on a Wednesday.

There is one lesson here for sure, my mom always tells me that I need to stop leaving the house looking like I just ended an 8-month long bender because you never know who you’re going to run into. If this situation didn’t prove her right I don’t know what will.

while he really is a nice enough guy and super good looking I just can’t picture myself having enough in common with him to continue anything beyond a strictly platonic friendship and since we have already crossed that bridge I don’t really think there is any going back from that. I have one male friend that I was able to have a platonic friendship with after we had sex, but that happened a couple years later and after a long time of having no contact with him, and there is still always that awkward element of having seen each other naked within our friendship.

I guess you could say that restaurant really gave me some more bang for my buck than I was intending that day.  I guess you could also say that depending on how this plays out my sister and I probably need to find a new restaurant halfway between our house to meet.

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Brush your shoulders off

I’m not sure if this is the best or the worst thing about me, but I always push things as far as I possibly can. So last week when I got yet another message from a guy asking me if he could be my sugar daddy I responded the same way I responded to the other 750 guys who send me messages asking me to pay me for sex, I gave him my venmo and told him to put his money where his mouth was and send me something to prove he was serious.

I never expect anyone to actually send me money. I figured he would do what every other guy has done and disappear or tell me to go fuck myself. Instead, this guy paid me $25. It wasn’t a ton of money but it was the most money anyone has ever given me for no reason and it was enough to pay my bar tab that night so I was thrilled. Totally confused, but thrilled.

After he sent me the money he started asking me for pictures. Obviously, I’m not into that and even if I was my nudes are worth way more than $25 so there was no chance I was gonna send him anything. He wanted to know what he was going to get for his money, I let him know that he was getting an opportunity to “interview for the sugar daddy position”. I figured that was going to be the last time I ever heard from him but I guess that was a satisfying enough response because he asked me if I wanted to get drinks the following week.

I probably shouldn’t have agreed to meet him, but to be honest, I wasn’t totally sure if he was actually that much of a creep or if he didn’t just send me the money to call my bluff.  If that was the case I was kinda into it, but I figured at the very least if we actually did meet for drinks it was probably going to be hilariously weird, and its not like I would’ve had much else to do, and it was a public place so really the worst thing that was gonna happen was that he was actually a total creep.

We were supposed to meet for drinks Monday night. I asked him if we were going to discuss my allowance on our date. I was mostly kidding but apparently, he wasn’t because homeboy actually started discussing how much money he was willing to give me every week and what he was going to expect from me in return.

It was super weird especially since what he wanted were really vanilla things that most women do for free, and he was a good looking guy so there really was no reason he should even NEED to pay for sex. I guess it’s just his kink, to each their own I guess. He started asking me to send him pictures, and once again I decided to see how far I could push things, so I told him I was going to need some sort of deposit on the sugar daddy arrangement in order to send him anything.

I seriously thought he was finally going to tell me to go fuck myself or something but instead, he started negotiating a price for me to send him pictures of my boobs. I told him I wanted $250, at this point, I just wanted to see how much I could get out of him before he unmatched me. I didn’t think he would actually seriously negotiate a price for a picture of my boobs, but we wound up settling on $150 for a picture on snapchat with no face and I wanted the money first because ” this wasn’t mamas first rodeo” (it totally was my first rodeo).

I basically shit my pants when he actually added me on snapchat and then venmoed me the full $150. He drove a hard bargain but one thing he missed during the negotiation process was the clause that said they had to be naked boobs. He must’ve been super surprised when he opened his snap chat the next day and found a picture of my boobs, completely covered by my t-shirt.

Probably not what he was expecting, but sometimes, when you play stupid games you win stupid prizes and I became $175 richer for doing absolutely nothing.  Naturally, I haven’t heard from him since and as expected he blew off our date  which isn’t really much of a tragedy, his venmo featured his full first and last name, which I looked up on facebook along with the city he told me lived in which is where I found all the pictures of his girlfriend. So not only is he a creep trying to pay girls money for sex he’s also cheating on someone so, to be honest maybe I was a little bit of a scumbag taking money from him but in the end, he did kind of get what he deserved.

Jailhouse rock

Second biggest fear: I settle for someone not right for me, just so I don’t end up dying alone with a bunch of cats.

First biggest fear: I die alone with a bunch of cats.

However, after my last date (if you can even call it that), getting 75 cats and dying alone looks pretty good.

I’ve known the guy for a while; I met him a couple years ago when I ran into a mutual friend who was having drinks with him. We hit it off from the start from what I can remember, but he had just had a baby, and things weren’t going well with his baby momma, etc. It didn’t go anywhere beyond some Facebook comments here and there.

After him and the kid’s mom broke up, our mutual friend tried to set us up. He was a good looking guy, and I liked his personality, so I agreed. He seemed hesitant though, so I didn’t push it, and eventually just gave up.

After I got laid off, I had an abundance of free time, which I wasn’t used to having. One day, I was pretty bored and decided to message him on Facebook to see if he wanted to meet for drinks. He told me he would message me in a couple hours and let me know. I took it as a no, and went to the nearest Whole Foods to drink $4 rose.

He did end up messaging me a couple hours later, to my surprise, asking where I wanted to meet. I chose a place halfway between where we both live. I’m not really sure what I was expecting to happen that night, but it definitely it wasn’t what I got.

I arrived a little early, and sat at the bar to grab a drink while I waited. When he did arrive, we exchanged pleasantries and I asked how he’d been.

“Not good.” He said.

Guys, I don’t care how bad things are. You never tell a girl you’re going out with for the first time that things aren’t good. I’m not really good with other people’s emotions.

I was hoping he’d stop there, but he didn’t.

“I just got out of jail on Monday.” He added.

I started scouting the emergency exits.

“My ex got a restraining order, and I just couldn’t leave the bitch alone so she put me in jail for 25 days.”

What the fu-

It was like a bomb that just kept exploding. I should’ve left after he admitted to being a stalker, but to be honest I didn’t wanna do anything that was gonna set him off so I stayed.

I thought we would have one drink and call it a night. Homeboy made one beer last three hours. The entire time talking about how women are to blame for men having anger management issues, and that every guy he met in jail was there because of a woman.

Meanwhile, I’m just mainlining vodka hoping the night ends soon.

He finally finished half of his beer and decided he was done. I thought I was in the home stretch. Then he decides he wants to go for a walk. I suggest going just outside the bar (still in full view of the bartender).

We get outside the bar and he suddenly hugs me.

“I feel like you don’t wanna hug me.” He says. I tell him I’m just not a hugger, which is half true. But I was also internally screaming, “Yeah obviously I don’t wanna hug you you nut job.”

It lasted another hour after that. He whined the entire time, partially about how terrible women are, and partially about how many mosquitoes there were outside. Outside, where he insisted we go instead of staying in the bar….or just going home.

Finally, we said goodbye and he kissed me.

It was painful. Not physically, but painful as in it was clear that neither of us wanted it to happen. But it was happening, and it was super forced and super awkward.

We said we’d keep in touch. I blocked him on every possible social media avenue possible as soon as I got home.

I need to stop letting my friends play matchmaker.

Same Mistake

It seems like I always hear from the person I don’t want to hear from at exactly the time I don’t want to hear from them, and for whatever reason, it usually involves some sort of meme. I usually pride myself on my ability to let shit go, but for some unknown reason, this was one that I just couldn’t.

It happened a few months ago, I met a guy on tinder, and he asked me to dinner. I agreed to go, which broke my first rule of dating (never do a meal as a first date) and figured maybe I could steer the date into just drinks. After he asked me out I didn’t hear from him for a few days, so honestly, I was starting to think I was being catfished. I half expected to show up at the bar and have him just not show up.  He did, and I had a great time but he didn’t kiss me at the end of the date so I figured he probably wasn’t interested, which was fine, I was just gonna move on and keep on swiping.

I was more than a little surprised when he asked me to meet him again, but also glad because I had a good time with him which is rare on a first date. He had also found my tinder Instagram before we met up that first time and still wanted to meet me, so at the very least he had a sense of humor. Things were going well, or so I thought. I had decided to deactivate my dating apps, and I was getting really comfortable with the idea of regular sex and a drinking buddy.

Things started to look like they were going to get serious, I started telling my friends and family about him, and that’s when he broke things off with me. In a text, while I was at dinner with my mom with no real explanation as to why. I was pretty upset (like shed a tear in the restaurant upset….. and I didn’t even know I had tear ducts), but if he didn’t think things were going to work between us I wasn’t going to beg him to want to be with me. I kind of got the feeling he was looking for me to fight him on it, and the old me probably would have. But at this point, I’ve learned that 75% of the issues in my life could have been avoided if  I had just held the door open for the people who wanted to walk out of it rather than beg them to stay. So even though I was hurt and disappointed I just let it go.

As much as it sucked I wasn’t surprised. I had checked his tinder profile once or twice just because I was nosy and noticed that he had updated his profile. It was still pretty early on so I wasn’t going to bring it up until I had to, but since he ended things with me three days later it became a non-issue.

Of course, because I had told my friends and family about him I had to have obligatory “oh it didn’t work out I’m just gonna get a bunch of cats and die instead” conversation whenever they asked about it. They kept saying I would hear from him again but I didn’t really believe it or really want to to be honest. I deleted his number and any other semblance of him in my life, reactivated my tinder and slept with some 21 year old boy to numb my pain (because the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else right?).

Just when I started to forget about it I noticed him looking at my Instagram story for my tinder page. I was going to call him out about it, but my sister (and my voice of reason) told me to just block him and not think about it. So that’s what I did.

There were a few different times I almost reached out to him because something reminded me of him, but I refuse to be that person who doesn’t let go. Especially with someone, I didn’t know that well to begin with, and especially with someone who didn’t see how awesome I was. I made myself a promise a long time ago that I was never going to beg another person to give a shit about me ever again, and I won’t. After my last relationship ended I decided I was going to stop giving people so many chances. Mostly in relationships but I guess I should really carry that over to my friendships as well. 90% of the trauma that’s happened in my life could’ve been avoided if I hadn’t given the men I was with so many extra chances and opportunities to treat me like shit. It’s not that I’m punishing people in my present for the mistakes of my past, it a matter of knowing my own worth and expecting the people in my life to recognize it as well.

I had finally stopped thinking about him when I got laid off. The day I wrote my post about it I got a message on my personal Instagram. It was from him, and it was, of course, a meme because that’s what every guy uses to get to me when they really wanna get to me. I could’ve just ignored it, but someone pointed out that he had clearly read my blog post earlier in the day and that it wasn’t a coincidence, and I am clearly at a weak point in my life so instead it sent me into kind of a tailspin.

Even though the rational side of me knew that he didn’t somehow realize he made a mistake and he wasn’t making any sort of effort to rekindle anything with me I started overthinking it. I  started rethinking my whole no second chance thing, maybe if he was reaching out to try and start things again that I was being too harsh by not giving him a second chance. In reality, it was just a meme, not some gesture to try and get in touch with me again. I should’ve just blocked him and moved onIMG_3208, but obviously, my irrational ass didn’t do that. Fueled by tequila and a slight bit of rage,  I instead sent this message…. like two weeks later. I’m not even sure why I did it, it wasn’t going to change anything, In reality, he didn’t give a shit about me- and even if he did I know better than to spend any more time on someone who didn’t realize how great I was the first time around. If I can be completely honest though, even if I did sound kind of like a crazy person it actually did make me feel better.

I pride myself on taking all the bad things that happened to me and using them to make me better and not bitter, but somehow I feel like maybe I am being slightly bitter by completely cutting out the opportunities for second chances. Maybe it’s not about giving chances but about learning to recognize red flags and not make excuses for them. It doesn’t matter in this situation, that’s a dead issue, but I also don’t want to spend the rest of my life running from things because I’m afraid of wasting any more time or repeating the mistakes of my past.

Last Time

This morning, I woke up in a hotel room with someone I definitely shouldn’t have woken up next to. Let’s just say I now know how it feels to wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy.

It started a few months ago when we matched on Tinder. He was here on business, and I was in a five month dry-spell. We talked for a few days, eventually meeting in his hotel room to split a pizza and a bottle of vodka.

He was interesting, and he made me laugh. We had a lot in common, including a nasty divorce (or so I thought). I was actually kind of bummed he was leaving the next day. In normal circumstances I wouldn’t have hooked up with him, but he was leaving and I needed to end my dry spell.

The next day, his whole divorce story unraveled. I found out he was still married, which in hindsight I should have seen coming. I confronted him about it, and he gave me this big story about how terrible she was, and how he was trying to leave her but he didn’t want to lose his kid, and how she kept threatening to kill herself whenever he tried to leave.

The typical cheating guy narrative, I’ve heard it before. It’s the same narrative my ex-husband gave the multiple women he cheated on me with, and the same narrative a guy I had dated for a couple months gave me when I found out he was married as well.

Here’s the thing about men who cheat. Men don’t cheat because their wives or girlfriends are terrible or crazy, and they don’t cheat because you are something special.

Men cheat because of a problem with them.

No matter how bad any of my relationships ended up, I never cheated. I never even gave consideration to cheating. But just so we’re clear, I did act crazy when I was with my ex-husband. However, anyone would be crazy when an emotionally abusive, manipulative person was stealing all your money and not coming home for days. I knew he was cheating, long before I was ready to admit it to myself. I believe other women are the same way. So if that’s crazy, then I guess we’re crazy.

Also, kids are a bad reason to stay in a relationship that’s unhappy. Staying together for your kids just teaches your kids to do the same thing. It’s perpetuating the same behavior.

After I found out he was married, he asked me if we could still be friends. I said yes, but I thought it was one of those things where you say you’re going to do something because you know the chances of it ever actually coming up again are really slim to non-existent, and even if it did come up you didn’t have any intention of following through with it.

I heard from him every once in a while after that. I was pretty unfriendly, so I figured he’d get sick of me eventually. I hadn’t heard from him in a month or two when he reached out to me in April saying he was in town for business and wanted to meet for a drink to apologize for lying to me.

To be honest, I was deep into my health shit at the time so I was feeling a little vulnerable, and a lot angry. I figured it would be a good opportunity to tell him what a shit I thought he was to his face, so I agreed to meet with him.

Telling him off wasn’t nearly as satisfying as I thought it would be, in the end. He just took it because he knew it was wrong. Once I was done ripping him a new asshole, we actually had an okay time. He’s decent company if you can keep him at a distance and get over the fact that he’s kind of a scumbag. Nothing sexual between us, just two friends catching up over drinks. After that, I didn’t hear from him again. I actually started to forget about the whole thing.

Then he texted me Monday night. He was in the area for the night and invited to meet him for drinks. We’d had a decent time the last time I saw him, so I figured it would be good to get out of the house and talk to someone who didn’t have four legs and a tail.

I was also in the middle of having my 17th breakdown about WTF I should do with my life, now that this job didn’t work out. Obviously since I’m unemployed, I have an abundance of free time that I’m not used to having, and very little funds. I’ve actually had to reel myself in since losing my job, since I have been spending money like a Kardashian for the last 8 months.

I maybe went a little harder on the vodka than I should’ve, and the half bottle of champagne after didn’t help either. When I woke up the next morning I knew I was in a bed and I was afraid to open my eyes. The first thing I thought was “ok I’m in a bed, I really hope I didn’t drive last night“. The second thing was “I hope to God I’m in this bed alone“.

I wasn’t alone. However, nothing happened between us. We still had our clothes on.

When I started to remember where I was and how I got there, my massive hangover and I quickly made an exit. Even though nothing but sleeping happened, I feel pretty shitty about it. I’m thankful he didn’t let me drive home, but needless to say that friendship is over. It really never should have even started.

Men and women can absolutely be friends, they just probably shouldn’t be friends after one of them lies about being married.

Wrecking Ball

I lost my job last week.

The twist? I was okay with it, thankful even. I had reached a point in my career where the job I was doing made me so miserable, that I was just ready for it to be over. When it ended, I felt such a massive sense of relief. I no longer needed to go to a job that made me sad every day, and any fear I had about how I was going to pay my astronomical rent or what I was going to do next was pushed into the very back of my mind.

I had left a job that I loved, and moved my entire life an hour and a half away from everything I knew to take this job that was supposed to advance my career. It was supposed to be a job where I could learn more than what I had with my previous company where I had, unfortunately, hit my ceiling.

It was an opportunity and I had to at the very least try to advance myself, but like I said the job made me miserable. Every day, I got in my car, drove to work, and sat in the parking lot debating whether or not I should go inside and work, or turn around pack up my dogs and flee the country.

Fleeing the country always seemed way too dramatic. Also, I only ever had about $11 in my savings account, so going inside always won.

I don’t want to say anything bad about the company where I worked. They had their issues, but so does every company. They were good to me earlier this year when I was having health issues, and they gave me a chance to learn despite me having very little background in the field.

At the end of the day, not every job or company is going to be a good fit for a person. When I made the decision to take this job, I didn’t know what was going to happen. But, I said I had to try, and I did. I tried my ass off. I wouldn’t say I succeeded, but I wouldn’t say I failed either.

To be honest, I had been looking for another job anyway. I didn’t look that hard though, because I felt guilty about leaving. It sounds stupid to feel guilty leaving a job that I’m not happy with, but when it came down to it, they were good to me. I liked my bosses, and they were good people, and I did feel guilty for being so unhappy.

The company was decent enough to give me a good severance package, so while the irrational part of me is screaming to find myself a sugar daddy before I wind up living under a bridge somewhere, the more rational side of me knows that I’m going to be fine financially, at least for a little while until I figure out what my next step is.

I don’t know what’s next. I’ve always wanted to open my own bar, but that takes money and I don’t think that whole $11 dollars in my savings is going to get me far. I do love waitressing and bartending, but there are very few jobs that offer real benefits in restaurants and now that I’m an adult I understand the importance of things like vacation time and health insurance.

I also really want to do something working with special needs animals. After my own experience adopting a special needs animal, I want to help place “unadoptable” animals in the suitable homes, and educate people that these animals are worth any difficulties and special needs you may experience when choosing to take them home.

None of these seem like viable options for me, because I lack the money and experience. I don’t think either of these are things I can just pull out of my ass, either.

I’m thinking about moving, but I’m not sure where. I did consider packing up and moving to Florida a few months ago, but I’m not sure if that’s the right step for me either. I’ve always wanted to live there, and I had planned to go to college there, but I married an idiot instead.

I’ve had a tough time making new friends since I moved to where I live now, but at least the drive to see my friends from home was manageable. If  I moved to Florida, I’d have to fly home to see my friends and family. I would be totally alone, especially if I wasn’t able to make friends once I moved. On the other hand, I don’t see my home friends frequently anyway, so it doesn’t seem like a good reason to stay.

I love living where I am, but it seems silly to stay here since I no longer have the job I moved here for. Plus, if I do decide to continue working in finance, there isn’t much opportunity for someone like me here. Not to mention, if I live here and commute to where there are more opportunities, it would cost way to much money and take way to much time.

I decided to take the summer off and enjoy myself for once, but it’s only day four and I am climbing the walls. I have worked 40+ hours a week since graduating from high school, and even then I was working two jobs. I have never had this much free time before.

I have been trying to make it a point to get up early every day, and get outside and do things.  Otherwise, I’m sitting in my apartment in my ugly pajamas until I HAVE to leave the house, which I know I’ll fall into the habit of doing if I don’t force myself to get out every day.

I’m not complaining, though. I really love being at home and spending more time with my dogs. I like being able to sleep later than 5:30 AM. Coincidentally, my apartment complex finally opened our pool after two years, so I really LOVE being able to sit by the pool and relax.

Plans

Do men think we’re just sitting in our houses staring wistfully out windows, waiting for them to come and whisk us away from our boredom? Cause if that’s the case, you’re going to find my ivory tower empty. I waved at you when I passed you in my car going to work.

I work two jobs, take evening classes, and I have two dogs (one of which requires a lot of care) so personal time for me is very rare. I am not about to waste it on guys who waste my time. I have 2,500 tinder matches. I can assure you, you aren’t special. If you aren’t going to make plans with me and follow through with them, there is another guy that will.

Another thing is, I’m a planner. I plan things ahead of time because I have so much going on in my life. But it’s almost like guys don’t get that for some reason.

I was talking to this guy on and off for a few weeks, and he kept asking me to meet him for drinks. But it was always last minute, and by the time the invitation came around, I had opted to pick up a bar shift instead. It beats sitting at home by myself and staring at the walls.

He was kind of a creep right from the beginning, but that’s partially my fault. I have this really bad habit of swiping right on guys with creepy or overly sexual profiles because I think its hilarious. This guy, in particular, didn’t disappoint. He kept telling me he had a dick with “7 inches of girth”, and that he was using a profile with a fake name and a bunch of headless pictures so he could “show off his bulge” without his friends knowing about it. I think it’s a lot of effort to go through to hide the fact that you’re being a creep when you could just not be a creep but to each their own.

He probably asked me four or five times to meet for drinks, but I’m a planner. I make my plans ahead of time and if I don’t have anything planned and the opportunity comes up to make money, I am going to take it. Rather than being understanding or attempting to make plans with me for a day I wasn’t working, he decided to chastise me, saying I “wasn’t making time for sex. Because “clearly money was the only important thing in my life”.

First, calm down dude. I like sex just as much as the next person. But you know what else I like? Having money to pay my rent on time.

The Convenience Guy. Then there are the men who think the sun rises and sets on their schedule. The guys who will make plans with you but never follow through with them. They will ask you on Sunday to grab drinks on Tuesday but then you never hear from them till they text you again the following Friday trying to make different plans to make up for the ones they didn’t follow through with, and when you call them out about blatantly blowing off your plans earlier in the week they tell you they got “busy”. I’m busy too but you know what I am never to busy for? Picking up my phone and rescheduling my plans if I know I can’t make it, I don’t just completely blow you off and then expect you to want to make other plans with me. These guys can’t understand why you don’t want to make new plans with them either, like sorry buddy but you only get one chance to waste my time.

The Flaky Guys. I hate flakiness more than anything, I have literally ended friendships with lifelong friends over it. The worst guys are those who are just blatantly flaky. They make plans with you that they either won’t be able to or are unwilling to follow through with, but still keep you on the hook until the last possible minute. As if they are the only person on earth you can make plans with.

Remember the guy who didn’t drink? It didn’t work out, but it had nothing to do with the fact that he didn’t drink.

I had a great time with him on the first date, so I agreed to meet him for a second date. I actually had a Saturday night off for the first time in like six months, so we decided to get pizza after I was done hosting a bridal shower earlier in the day. He texted me that morning and asked if we could meet earlier because he had forgotten he had to go to a going away party that night for a friend who was moving. I wasn’t sure when I would be back from the shower and suggested making plans for another night. He didn’t respond.

Once the shower started to wrap up earlier than I expected, I texted him again saying I  would probably be able to meet earlier. Again nothing. I didn’t hear from him until later (15 minutes after we were supposed to meet). He wanted to make plans for the next day. Obviously, I had figured out we weren’t meeting that day, but it was too late to make other plans. So I wound up in bed by 10pm, on the first Saturday I had off in months.

I totally understand the priority of seeing his friend whose leaving (which may or may not have been a crock of bullshit, who knows), but it’s not something that should have taken all day to figure out. I wouldn’t have cared so much if he had told me at 10am that another night would work better for him, but instead, he dragged it out the entire day until the last possible minute when he finally backed out. So, I decided that even though I liked talking & hanging out with him, I didn’t want to see him again.

My time is a gift, and if I am giving it to you- you better damn well take advantage of it, and if you can’t you better let me know with enough notice so that I can make other plans. I get that things come up and shit happens, but don’t be a dick, be respectful of other people’s time and let them know you can’t make it if you can’t make it. I spent my entire early 20’s waiting on men who couldn’t show up, I refuse to continue doing it for the rest of my life.

I’ve learned a lot since I last became single and started dating with the intention of possibly starting a relationship, the hardest lesson I’ve had to learn was not to ignore the signs even when I really liked someone. If something a guy was doing bothered me at the beginning of a potential relationship, it will only bother me more as time goes on. I learned to pick my battles in terms of what types of behaviors I could live with, and what behaviors I would consider deal breakers.   I have wasted so much of my life and happiness on people and situations that weren’t right for me and I don’t want to continue to do that because it’s only made me miserable.