Age ain’t nothin but a number

After the night I hooked up with that 22 year old waiter we agreed to be friends. I really didn’t hear from him again. I couldn’t really blame him, I probably wouldn’t have called someone who got wasted on a Wednesday and banged me in my mom’s basement again either. We texted here and there for a couple days and then he disappeared. I don’t keep numbers I don’t use in my phone, so I eventually just deleted his number and kinda forgot about the whole thing.

Tuesday night I got a text from an unfamiliar number so I asked who it was. Then I noticed I had an Instagram message from the waiter so I had kinda already figured out who it was before he even responded. He wanted to know if I wanted to meet for drinks. I was planning to make it an early night but decided instead that meeting up with him was probably gonna be a lot more exciting than going to bed at 10pm so I went and met him with him.

The bar was empty except for us and some drunk middle-aged people. He tried teaching me about fantasy football and it seemed like he was trying really hard to impress me. I was starting to feel like I was on a date I didn’t Intend to be on and not like I was hanging out with a friend that I drunkenly accidentally hooked up with. Eventually, I mentioned that my sister might wanna meet up with us when she got out of work but he said that he would rather the two of us just hang out and talk.

When the check came he paid the bill and wouldn’t let me give him more than 10$ towards it, that was about the point that my suspicion was confirmed I was on a date and we weren’t just two friends hanging out and having a couple drinks. I have found myself accidentally on more dates that I didn’t realize were dates than most people I know have been on on purpose.

The bar was closing so I started looking for another bar to head to but he said he would rather go back to his place because no one as home and we could have a couple more drinks there. I am like 30 and have no business being in anyone’s mom’s basement, but I didn’t have much else going on so I figured why not.

I had remembered the sex not being very good, but I had hoped that maybe it was because I was really drunk that first time. contrary to popular belief, most drunk sex isn’t good. Sadly it wasn’t the vodka that made it bad, It was actually worse than I remembered, such a waste because this kid literally has one of the biggest Johnson’s I’ve ever seen. He isn’t a big dude and this thing is just like a freaking monster, but as we all know its not about the size of the boat its the motion of the ocean and that seemed to be lost on him. It was super quick and at one point he just kind of laid on top of me not really moving but had the audacity to ask me if I was gonna cum. It took everything I had in me not to say “yeah dude I’m coming to my senses right now and getting the hell outta here”, instead I went with something along the lines of “yeah probably after I go home”. I have got to block his number or something, this is just bad, not to mention it can never go anywhere because he is WAY to young for me. Though I could probably take the mature route and just talk to him about it.

I know I sound like a dick for counting him out because of his age and some bad sex. I know sex is teachable but it’s not even about that. For one he is just to nice for me to tell him its not good like I really don’t wanna hurt his feelings. But also he is so smart and a really talented artist, like he could build a computer from nothing and his room is full of all this really great artwork yet he still thinks the coolest thing about him is the fact that he sells weed. I found myself needing to stop myself from momming him and letting him know that most of those people were only his friend because they were getting something from him and that in the not so distant future everyone was going to be able to buy weed at the gas station so he should probably find a new side hustle. Plus I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, nothing is less impressive to me than a guy that can only talk about how much weed he smokes, granted he’s not as obnoxous about it as other guys I’ve gone out with but its obnoxious enough to be a turn off for me.

I haven’t really heard from him much since I’ve been back from vacation and I am kinda hoping it’ll stay that way. I would love to be able to be friends with him because he’s a good person and he is nice to spend time with, but he definitely isn’t the right person for me. I don’t have a future as a cougar that’s for sure.

 

One thought on “Age ain’t nothin but a number

  1. This blog post really made me laugh. I think dating someone so young is always hard because forget boat sexual experience or capability it’s more about the conversations that you have – I don’t know about you but Fantasy Football sounds like the most boring shit ever. Anyway, I hope you don’t hear from him if that’s what you want BUT if he does want to meet up again I think you should meet up with him and figure out a nice way of telling him to buy the Kama sutra or google how to make a woman feel good in bed. Just because you aren’t interested doesn’t mean you can’t make him better for another girl? I always tell the people I’m dating when we break up what they should work on for the next person… lol they don’t always take it well but it’s all about pushing it forward!

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