Recently, I swiped right on a bartender. Not just any bartender, of course. One that worked at one of the three bars I frequent on first dates. Why you ask? Just because I wanted to see what would happen.
Nothing good has ever come of this mindset, so I don’t know why I keep doing it. But its hard AF to make friends as an adult, so I guess there’s the off chance we could be friends or something if he swiped right and we didn’t work out romantically.
In the end, he didn’t swipe right, and we didn’t match on Tinder. I forgot about the whole thing shortly after.
So imagine my surprise when I woke up a couple days later to a message, from him, telling me I was going to have to pick a different bar if we were going to hang out. I guess he swiped right, after all. Also, he definitely noticed me, and all my bad dates, coming to his particular bar.
We talked about normal stuff: how I had moved to the city almost 2 years ago, that I hadn’t had much luck meeting people and making new friends, and how I started to go on dates as a way to meet people.
Mind you, I always thought he was a bit of a dick. But I tolerated him because I liked the bar where he worked. But, the more I talked to him, the more I realized he wasn’t as much of a dick as I thought.
So I was thrilled when he said that we should hang out again. It seemed strictly platonic too, which is what I need right now. Plus, we both work in the same industry, which meant our schedules, opposite of a normal person’s, actually lined up.
We texted for a few days.
Then the conversation died off.
A couple of weeks after we stopped talking, I met my old boss for drinks to catch up. It was the first time I had spent time with them without needing to rush off, and I had one of the best nights out I’d had in a while. Seeing them was really bittersweet, and I didn’t realize just how much I missed them. I was pretty sad at the end of the night.
When we were done, it was still early and I wasn’t ready to go home quite yet. I didn’t want to go sit in a bar by myself, so I texted the bartender to see if he wanted to meet for drinks.
He was already headed home for the night, but said I could come by his place.
Normally, I’d tell any guy who invites me to his house at 11pm to fuck off. But, I was still under the impression that this was strictly a friend thing, so I just went over. It wasn’t like I had anything better to do, anyways.
I was actually enjoying myself! It’d been a long time since I just sat with someone, watched shitty TV, and talked.
Then he tried to cuddle with me.
Honestly, I just let it happen. I generally don’t cuddle unless I’m dating someone, but I had a weak moment because I was still sad from earlier in the night and I hadn’t been cuddled in a while.
Then, he kissed me hard.
Not in a sexy way, either. It was more like an assault on my mouth than a kiss. I tried to slow him down, which helped for short periods of time.
Eventually, he asked me if I wanted to sleep over. It was about 3am and I figured it was late, and we had come this far. Friendship seems off the table at this point.
We got in bed and started hooking up.
He got off before we even had our clothes off.
I figured we would give it a few minutes and pick up where we left off, not a big deal. But he got super freaked out about it, and couldn’t get it up again. Next thing I know, he was snoring. Not even an attempt to do anything for me.
I kind of wanted to leave but it was so late and I was already in bed so it was going to take way more effort than I was willing to put forth to put my clothes on and walk to my car so I decided to try and get some sleep. I haven’t slept next to someone in like two years so I was only able to get a couple hours of real shitty sleep and I had to work in the morning so I decided at 6:30AM that I was just going to go home and sleep in my own bed, so I got dressed and left. I stopped by his bathroom on the way out, and realized I had started my period at some point during the night. As if things weren’t awkward enough I had no idea when it started or if anything ended up in his bed and I had already left and said goodbye so I couldn’t really go back in and check and even if I had what was I gonna do? Wake him up and be like sorry bro but this just got 10x more awkward for both of us because I just got my period in your bed.
I know these things happen but this was the first time I had ever hung out with him so naturally I got super freaked out. I didn’t know what to do. Part of me wanted to text him and apologize, but it was definitely possible that nothing actually got in his bed so I decided to wait and see if he brought anything up about it.
I texted him when I got home and said I enjoyed hanging out with him and that id be down to do it again soon. I figured if I he knew anything about me starting my period that night he’s bring it up and I could apologize but he never did so I figured it’s probably fine. We texted a little after and then didn’t hear from him again after that except for one awkward run in at the bar.
Thursday we had a big storm it took me like 3 hours to get home from work so I was still awake at 3 am when I got a text from him, obviously drunk basically letting me know that he mostly wanted to sleep with me but we could still be friends and followed it up with something along the lines of “this is super weird but do you wanna see my dick”. It was the first time anyone had actually asked me if I wanted to see their dick rather than just sending me a picture of it. Somehow that made the whole dick pic thing that much more awkward than if he had just sent me the picture. Not that I even wanted it. I let him know that friendship was preferable but I would be fine if sex happened as well (this would be way more convenient than my current fwb situation as he lives an hour away and works an opposite schedule and the bartender lives down the street and we work similar schedules) but if that was the route he wanted to go it would never go beyond friendship and that I was still gonna keep bringing my dates to his bar because this situation wasn’t gonna change anything about my life. He said he was fine with that and we made plans for Friday night.
He blew me off which I kind of expected. I wasn’t really that upset about it. I really didn’t have high hopes from the start considering the awkwardness of our first encounter and I really only gave it any consideration because he lived so close.