All My Exes Live in Texas

Two months ago I was supposed to meet a guy I had been seeing for brunch at this restaurant I had been dying to try ( read that post here). I had suspected he was going to blow me off that day, so I had already planned on going by myself when he texted me an hour before we were supposed to meet up claiming he “wasn’t feeling well” and asked if we could reschedule. He must have come down with the “I just got laid” flu and died because that was the last time I ever heard from him. I was a little bummed because the sex was great but I wasn’t sure how I felt about hi so I guess I really didn’t care. I grabbed myself a bottle of champagne and went to brunch alone.

I sat at the bar and was finishing my bottle and my benedict when two girls with suitcases sat down next to me. We started talking and they mentioned they were originally from Texas, I told them I had always wanted to go to but wasn’t sure where to go or what I’d do when I got there. They made me a list of things to do in Austin and at that point it was time for them to leave. I decided to see how much a flight to Austin would cost and if it was cheap enough I was gonna go. An hour and $150 later I posted on Snapchat that I had accidentally drank too much champagne at brunch and booked a trip to Austin. A girl I had met at a bar a few months prior messaging me saying she had always wanted to go so I invited her.

I wasn’t really sure what was gonna happen on a trip with a girl I didn’t really know that well. My family really thought I was crazy and that I was probably going to get murdered or that I was being friendship catfished (is that a thing?). I honestly wasn’t even sure she was really going to go  but I wasn’t worried I was going either way and even if we didn’t end up getting along (which we did) at the very least we both got to go on a cool trip and we got to save on the hotel room and if we never saw each other again after that was gonna be fine.

My trip started with two flight delays. I had been super excited because I was going to be sitting I a row by myself. 20 minutes before my flight started boarding I noticed they had changed my seat which I was super displeased about until I realized that I was going to be sitting in business class with no one next to me. It was a redeye and by the time I got into Austin it was 1:30 am so I was thrilled to have the extra space. Plus I got to watch crazy rich Asians and cry and no one was sitting next to me judging my tears so that was cool. Guys, I was so spoiled I don’t know if I can ever go back to coach. I mean I’m gonna have to because I really can’t afford to fly anything other than coach but like I’m gonna be sad about it. Your girl was so spoiled.

This trip was wild. I have never really traveled with another person aside from a couple IMG_5980bachelorette parties and two-day road trip I took to see my favorite band so I wasn’t totally sure what to expect but I was really glad I did. I probably ended up doing a lot more because she was there than I would have done if I had been there on my own. Have you ever been so hungover that you threw up in the lobby of your hotel and the front desk agent had to hold your hair for you? That was my Tuesday morning.

Monday I started my day with breakfast margaritas at a restaurant called Juan in a million. It was honestly probably the best margarita I’ve ever had. After breakfast, we went to Graffiti Park and the Austin Zoo. I know people aren’t wild about Zoo’s but most of these animals came from situations where they were kept as pets by people who totally should not have been keeping tigers and monkeys as pets, obviously these animals could not have been released into the wild after being kept as pets so they ended up at the Austin Zoo. We got to feed llamas and deer and goats so that was pretty awesome too.

Grafitti Park was very cool. There are alot of really great murals. My friend went to the IMG_5987top of it but I stayed on the ground (not a fan of heights) and the more I looked at the murals the more things I noticed that I didn’t originally see at first look. Sadly Grafitti Park (also known as Hope Outdoor Gallery) is set to be demolished in January but it looks like they will be building a new park in the spring.

After we went to the zoo and graffiti park we did some shopping on S. Congress street. There was a super cool costume store called Lucy in Disguise with Diamonds that was recommended to us by our Uber driver and worth checking out if you’re ever in the area. We had a late lunch at a place called Guerros. Great tacos and the margaritas were decent but nowhere near as good as the one I had at Juan’s, I think that first one at breakfast spoiled me. After that, we went to Rainey Street which is basically a bunch of old houses that were converted to bars with cool outdoor patios. That was where the real fun started.

We hit three bars on Rainey street one of which had a slide and a claw machine full of dildos. I never knew I needed a claw machine full of dildos in my life until I had a claw machine full of dildos in my life. I mean I didn’t win anything (we weren’t carrying cash) but I still appreciated that I had the option. The last bar we headed to was the best (and IMG_5978cheapest). Immediately after we got there some guy (wearing a wedding ring) sat down at our table and started telling my friend and me about his foot fetish. It turned out that he actually just wanted someone to rub his feet because his feet hurt from an accident and we had to explain to him the difference between wanting someone to rub your feet and actually having a foot fetish.  That would’ve been ok except then he started telling my friend he was gonna be her sugar daddy and how his wife doesn’t love him. Finally, his friends came and rescued us from him and shortly after that my friend decided to call it an early night. I still had a drink so I decided to move to the bar where I befriended the (really attractive) bartender. I had planned to go see the Congress Street bats but apparently, they are in Mexico for the season so I asked him what else I could do at this time of night. I think he thought my friend ditched me or something because he started feeding me vodka drinks (after I had already cashed out) and eventually invited me to sleep at his house. Normally that would seem super weird but he was really friendly about it like he wasn’t actually hitting on me we were really going to sleep. I didn’t go, Instead, I found myself at VooDoo Donuts at 3am. The donuts were just ok, nothing to write home about and eating donuts at 3am probably contributed to my downfall.

I woke up super hungover and decided to go down to the lobby for some Gatorade. We were headed to San Antonio for the day and I wasn’t gonna let my hangover ruin any of my short trip so I was really trying to rally. But I think the motion of the elevator got me because as soon as I stepped off the elevator I was found myself puking into a trashcan while the front desk agent held my hair. That guy was seriously the real MVP. He could’ve just left me alone in my own self-inflicted pain but he brought me some water and helped me get my Gatorade and sent me on my way.

Guys I was in pain. I have been hungover before but I don’t think I’ve ever been that hung over. Somehow I was able to rally and we made it to San Antonio and honestly, I was pretty proud of my rallying abilities. We didn’t rent a car for the trip but we needed one to get to San Antonio so we had to pick the car up at the airport. That process was kind of a disaster. We waited in line for over an hour and when we finally got to the spot they told us to go to pick up our car we found a guy sitting in the driver’s seat driving away. The whole process took about an hour and a half but we finally got to San Antonio around 3:30 which was a little later than we wanted to get there.

We went to the Alamo which was pretty interesting but I will say that I was slightly disappointed at the lack of people yelling REMEMBER THE ALAMO but that would’ve been disrespectful as it was a pretty solemn place, so I guess it makes sense that no one IMG_5977was yelling anything. After we toured the Alamo we went to the river walk which was awesome. Lots of cool restaurants and shopping and it was really pretty. It was definitely different from what I was expecting but better than what I was expecting. I thought it was going to be more like a beach boardwalk, kinda like the boardwalk at Hampton beach but maybe not as dirty.  We did a little shopping, got some Texas BBQ and a couple of drinks and headed back to Austin.

I was still hung over at 9pm so we considered skipping 6th street but after a trip to the hotel bar we changed our minds and headed out. We wound up at this cool divey bar where a bartender named Cracker made us take shots called “Crack Snacks” two of those and three cocktails later it was definitely time to head to bed because I was not trying to have a repeat of the morning. My friend left after breakfast and since my flight wasn’t until much later today, I decided to explore more of 6th and Congress street. I got some pizza and some German Pretzels and headed to the airport.

Austin was great, definitely one of the best-drunk decisions I’ve ever made. I think I’d like to come back and see more of it when the weather is a little warmer but there are so many other places I want to see and since I will be leaving for Florida in the not so distant future I am holding off on spending any more money or booking any more flights until I’ve figured out exactly where I’m going to end up. Though Ireland is really cheap in March so if I can get the money together I think I will head there for a few days. All in all, I would give Austin 10/10 stars would do it again but probably would rent a car next time to make getting around faster and easier. We stayed on 6th so we were fairly close to everything but between it being kind of cold and my old ankle injury we wound up taking a bunch of ubers which got pricey especially if you plan to go to the zoo. We did get some good recommendations from a couple of our drivers so that in itself was worth it.

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