Thank U, Next

Unfortunately, things with that guy I had that really good date with didn’t work out. It wasn’t entirely shocking and we had a couple of really nice weeks together until he decided he would rather go back to his ex than continue dating me. Of course, it was two days before Christmas so his timing was impeccable.

Like I said it wasn’t a shock I kind of saw it coming, we had been spending a good amount of time together so I felt like I had gotten to know him fairly well and when he came over Wednesday he just seemed different. Almost like he would have rather been anywhere but with me and when I asked him why he seemed so off he said he was just tired, which I understood we had spent a couple of really late nights together and he was the type of guy who was in bed by 10 every night so it was more than fair that he would have been feeling a little off.

But in the days that followed he continued acting super weird and cold. I knew he wasn’t feeling well so I brushed it off as a symptom of man cold and honestly I had had a really terrible weekend at work so I figured I was probably being kind of sensitive, I was gonna give it a couple more days before I asked him again why he was acting so weird. Sunday night after a particularly bad day at work I texted him to see how he was feeling and to let him know that I was skipping my work Christmas party and would be around if he needed anything, we talked a little about what a shitty day I’d had and then he let me know that he and his ex had decided to get back together and that he hoped I would “find happiness”.

I was upset for like five minutes but mostly because what kind of person hears about someone’s miserable day and then immediately breaks up with them? Especially two days before Christmas. Like I am pretty sure this whole thing with his ex didn’t just pop up out of nowhere, but honestly fine if he wants to go back to his ex far be it from me to stop him. I mean if history has taught me anything it’s that going back to your ex never works out but that’s his mistake to make and there is no chance that I am ever going to put myself in a situation where I need to compete with another woman ever again, especially a woman who he had described to me as “comfortable”.  Comfortable is an ugly thing in relationships. I stayed for four years in an unhappy relationship because it was comfortable. I was miserable but I was comfortable and for a while, that was enough for me, until it wasn’t anymore.

I mean shitty timing aside I’m glad it happened now instead of five months from now because whether she texted him last week or six months from now the end result would’ve been the same and at least now I could return his Christmas present and get my $15 back. As if getting dumped by a guy you really liked two days before Christmas on one of the worst days you’ve had in a while wasn’t bad enough I was ambushed by family Christmas. I thought I was just going to spend it with my immediate family but I found out on Christmas Eve the whole family was coming and within the first half hour of being there, my aunt had let me know that the reason I can’t find a good man is that my boobs are too big. As if that’s something I can help.

I mean I’m sad, it sucks when you meet someone you really connect with and they just drop you on your face, but I’m happy too because I was really starting to feel like I wasn’t going to find someone I was going to be able to connect with. Sex is easy, but finding someone you can have a conversation with and talk about the hard things without feeling judged that’s hard and I’ve gone through alot of shit that’s hard to talk about and hard for any man to look at as anything other than baggage, and maybe he thought I had baggage too but he never treated it like that. It’s ok that it didn’t work out, I was going to be happy either way because I learned a long time ago not to let my happiness depend on another person. The point to dating is to find someone who adds to the happiness you already have, that happiness needs to come from you and if you can’t create your own happiness you aren’t going to be happy with the person your with and it doesn’t matter if its the ex you keep going back to or meet someone new.

I’ll miss him and his dog ( mostly his dog at this point) honestly, I think I feel more rejected than anything else and that sucks, but I have another date tonight and we all know the best way to get over someone is to get over someone else so I guess we’ll see what happens.

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