Jailhouse rock

Second biggest fear: I settle for someone not right for me, just so I don’t end up dying alone with a bunch of cats.

First biggest fear: I die alone with a bunch of cats.

However, after my last date (if you can even call it that), getting 75 cats and dying alone looks pretty good.

I’ve known the guy for a while; I met him a couple years ago when I ran into a mutual friend who was having drinks with him. We hit it off from the start from what I can remember, but he had just had a baby, and things weren’t going well with his baby momma, etc. It didn’t go anywhere beyond some Facebook comments here and there.

After him and the kid’s mom broke up, our mutual friend tried to set us up. He was a good looking guy, and I liked his personality, so I agreed. He seemed hesitant though, so I didn’t push it, and eventually just gave up.

After I got laid off, I had an abundance of free time, which I wasn’t used to having. One day, I was pretty bored and decided to message him on Facebook to see if he wanted to meet for drinks. He told me he would message me in a couple hours and let me know. I took it as a no, and went to the nearest Whole Foods to drink $4 rose.

He did end up messaging me a couple hours later, to my surprise, asking where I wanted to meet. I chose a place halfway between where we both live. I’m not really sure what I was expecting to happen that night, but it definitely it wasn’t what I got.

I arrived a little early, and sat at the bar to grab a drink while I waited. When he did arrive, we exchanged pleasantries and I asked how he’d been.

“Not good.” He said.

Guys, I don’t care how bad things are. You never tell a girl you’re going out with for the first time that things aren’t good. I’m not really good with other people’s emotions.

I was hoping he’d stop there, but he didn’t.

“I just got out of jail on Monday.” He added.

I started scouting the emergency exits.

“My ex got a restraining order, and I just couldn’t leave the bitch alone so she put me in jail for 25 days.”

What the fu-

It was like a bomb that just kept exploding. I should’ve left after he admitted to being a stalker, but to be honest I didn’t wanna do anything that was gonna set him off so I stayed.

I thought we would have one drink and call it a night. Homeboy made one beer last three hours. The entire time talking about how women are to blame for men having anger management issues, and that every guy he met in jail was there because of a woman.

Meanwhile, I’m just mainlining vodka hoping the night ends soon.

He finally finished half of his beer and decided he was done. I thought I was in the home stretch. Then he decides he wants to go for a walk. I suggest going just outside the bar (still in full view of the bartender).

We get outside the bar and he suddenly hugs me.

“I feel like you don’t wanna hug me.” He says. I tell him I’m just not a hugger, which is half true. But I was also internally screaming, “Yeah obviously I don’t wanna hug you you nut job.”

It lasted another hour after that. He whined the entire time, partially about how terrible women are, and partially about how many mosquitoes there were outside. Outside, where he insisted we go instead of staying in the bar….or just going home.

Finally, we said goodbye and he kissed me.

It was painful. Not physically, but painful as in it was clear that neither of us wanted it to happen. But it was happening, and it was super forced and super awkward.

We said we’d keep in touch. I blocked him on every possible social media avenue possible as soon as I got home.

I need to stop letting my friends play matchmaker.

Plans

Do men think we’re just sitting in our houses staring wistfully out windows, waiting for them to come and whisk us away from our boredom? Cause if that’s the case, you’re going to find my ivory tower empty. I waved at you when I passed you in my car going to work.

I work two jobs, take evening classes, and I have two dogs (one of which requires a lot of care) so personal time for me is very rare. I am not about to waste it on guys who waste my time. I have 2,500 tinder matches. I can assure you, you aren’t special. If you aren’t going to make plans with me and follow through with them, there is another guy that will.

Another thing is, I’m a planner. I plan things ahead of time because I have so much going on in my life. But it’s almost like guys don’t get that for some reason.

I was talking to this guy on and off for a few weeks, and he kept asking me to meet him for drinks. But it was always last minute, and by the time the invitation came around, I had opted to pick up a bar shift instead. It beats sitting at home by myself and staring at the walls.

He was kind of a creep right from the beginning, but that’s partially my fault. I have this really bad habit of swiping right on guys with creepy or overly sexual profiles because I think its hilarious. This guy, in particular, didn’t disappoint. He kept telling me he had a dick with “7 inches of girth”, and that he was using a profile with a fake name and a bunch of headless pictures so he could “show off his bulge” without his friends knowing about it. I think it’s a lot of effort to go through to hide the fact that you’re being a creep when you could just not be a creep but to each their own.

He probably asked me four or five times to meet for drinks, but I’m a planner. I make my plans ahead of time and if I don’t have anything planned and the opportunity comes up to make money, I am going to take it. Rather than being understanding or attempting to make plans with me for a day I wasn’t working, he decided to chastise me, saying I “wasn’t making time for sex. Because “clearly money was the only important thing in my life”.

First, calm down dude. I like sex just as much as the next person. But you know what else I like? Having money to pay my rent on time.

The Convenience Guy. Then there are the men who think the sun rises and sets on their schedule. The guys who will make plans with you but never follow through with them. They will ask you on Sunday to grab drinks on Tuesday but then you never hear from them till they text you again the following Friday trying to make different plans to make up for the ones they didn’t follow through with, and when you call them out about blatantly blowing off your plans earlier in the week they tell you they got “busy”. I’m busy too but you know what I am never to busy for? Picking up my phone and rescheduling my plans if I know I can’t make it, I don’t just completely blow you off and then expect you to want to make other plans with me. These guys can’t understand why you don’t want to make new plans with them either, like sorry buddy but you only get one chance to waste my time.

The Flaky Guys. I hate flakiness more than anything, I have literally ended friendships with lifelong friends over it. The worst guys are those who are just blatantly flaky. They make plans with you that they either won’t be able to or are unwilling to follow through with, but still keep you on the hook until the last possible minute. As if they are the only person on earth you can make plans with.

Remember the guy who didn’t drink? It didn’t work out, but it had nothing to do with the fact that he didn’t drink.

I had a great time with him on the first date, so I agreed to meet him for a second date. I actually had a Saturday night off for the first time in like six months, so we decided to get pizza after I was done hosting a bridal shower earlier in the day. He texted me that morning and asked if we could meet earlier because he had forgotten he had to go to a going away party that night for a friend who was moving. I wasn’t sure when I would be back from the shower and suggested making plans for another night. He didn’t respond.

Once the shower started to wrap up earlier than I expected, I texted him again saying I  would probably be able to meet earlier. Again nothing. I didn’t hear from him until later (15 minutes after we were supposed to meet). He wanted to make plans for the next day. Obviously, I had figured out we weren’t meeting that day, but it was too late to make other plans. So I wound up in bed by 10pm, on the first Saturday I had off in months.

I totally understand the priority of seeing his friend whose leaving (which may or may not have been a crock of bullshit, who knows), but it’s not something that should have taken all day to figure out. I wouldn’t have cared so much if he had told me at 10am that another night would work better for him, but instead, he dragged it out the entire day until the last possible minute when he finally backed out. So, I decided that even though I liked talking & hanging out with him, I didn’t want to see him again.

My time is a gift, and if I am giving it to you- you better damn well take advantage of it, and if you can’t you better let me know with enough notice so that I can make other plans. I get that things come up and shit happens, but don’t be a dick, be respectful of other people’s time and let them know you can’t make it if you can’t make it. I spent my entire early 20’s waiting on men who couldn’t show up, I refuse to continue doing it for the rest of my life.

I’ve learned a lot since I last became single and started dating with the intention of possibly starting a relationship, the hardest lesson I’ve had to learn was not to ignore the signs even when I really liked someone. If something a guy was doing bothered me at the beginning of a potential relationship, it will only bother me more as time goes on. I learned to pick my battles in terms of what types of behaviors I could live with, and what behaviors I would consider deal breakers.   I have wasted so much of my life and happiness on people and situations that weren’t right for me and I don’t want to continue to do that because it’s only made me miserable.

The Rockstar

So i know that I had previously mentioned that I was kind of seeing someone. Well that has ended. And now that that has ended I can tell you the story of my first date with the Rockstar. I was initially hesitant  to tell this story because I was actually sort of into him despite the initial signs that this would not become a great american love story.

We met on plenty of fish- he was really ridiculously good looking. He seemed nice enough and he was local so when he asked me if I wanted to meet him for drinks I agreed. The night we were supposed to go out there was a big snow storm- he wasn’t hearing anything about rescheduling and offered to pick me up since he had four wheel drive. Your girl isn’t about to get in any cars with any strangers summoned from the internet though so I sucked it up and drove myself to the bar during a blizzard. I have four wheel drive so it actually wasn’t that bad and I am being dramatic about driving in a snow storm. The bar we planned to meet at was closed so we met at the Chinese restaurant across the street. I was 10 minutes late- because its just who I am as a person and it was snowing. I got to the restaurant and it was basically just him and i and a couple of maitais things were going really well until he got up and went to the bathroom.

When he came back from the bathroom he was like a completely different person. He sits down at the bar and asks me if I want to go to his place or mine. I was like “together? bro this is a damn blizzard if either of us are going anywhere were going to our own homes alone” He continued aggressively trying to take me home and trying to make out with me in the middle of a chinese restaurant (romantic right). But the best part of the entire night was when he started talking about how great I was, and how any guy would be so lucky to have me. I was kinda uncomfortable with all that so I told him “maybe if you play your cards right it will be you” to which he replied “I’m a rock star…. I don’t play my cards right”.

I DIED. I didn’t know what to say. I was just like oh ok well I think I am probably just gonna go home then. The next day he still continued to text me as if he did not tell me he was a rock star who doesn’t play his cards right and my boss keeps telling me I am way to hard on the men I date so when he asked me out again I figured I would give him another shot. When we went out the second time he explained the whole rockstar thing to me. He said that hed gotten there early and when I was late he was nervous so he drank an entire maitai while he was waiting on me. Then when i got there he was more nervous so he drank another maitai so when he got up to go to the bathroom he was just drunk and thats where all the weirdness came from. Which if were being honest is totally understandable, I am a nervous over drinker as well and I once got to drunk and told my best friends husband that I can freestyle. I certainly cannot freestyle but the blackout drunk version of me thought I could and thought everyone should know about it, so realistically I cant fault him for that. Plus it was really funny and even though we aren’t seeing each other anymore it is still really funny.

I was actually kind of sad this ended. We had a lot of fun together and it had been so long since I had someone to just hang out with that I was really enjoying that, and he cooked me dinner which no one had ever done unless you count ramen noodles as cooking dinner. But he had a habit of making a lot of promises he couldn’t keep and he was incredibly flakey and after blowing me off three times over the course of two weeks and not making any attempt at rescheduling I decided to tell him that I was starting to feel very much like I was begging him to hang out with me and that was not something that I was interested in doing. I was nice about it, but I let him know that he was going to need to step up his game if he wanted to keep seeing me. He told me he was feeling rushed, which to me was a little surprising because he talked a lot about having a relationship with me, and made a lot of plans for things he wanted to do together and trips he wanted to take, and all I had really ever said to him about anything was that I wasn’t looking for a hookup and that if he didn’t think he wanted anything serious that I wasn’t the right girl for him. For mostly every thing else I was kind of just following his lead. But suddenly he was feeling rushed and didn’t know what he wanted so we decided we wouldn’t keep seeing each other.

It’s not that I’m impatient, or that I was trying to rush into anything. But if I have learned anything about dating its this- If a man wants you around he will make it a point to include you in his life and his plans, and if something bothers you right at the start of the relationship its never going to not bother you, and it will probably never change either. So as much as I liked him  it was probably better to cut my losses before I spent another four years with someone I had to beg to spend time with me. I am beginning to think I have some sort of dating curse. Like it seems like things go really well until I start telling friends and family that I’m seeing someone and then all of a sudden its all over. I mean its fine, because there’s a big part of me that was starting to feel like a trapped squirrel, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t bummed about it ending. I am not entirely convinced I wont hear from him again. Not that it would change anything.  There are plenty of other fish in the sea….. or rockstars on pof….. or wherever I was going with that.

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