Familiar Faces

I first joined Tinder and Bumble two years ago about a month after my four-year relationship ended. After four years I finally realized I deserved better than what I was getting out of that relationship and after a month-long break, I realized that nothing was going to change so I let him know that he could stay in our apartment while he figured out what he was going to do but he and I would not be getting back together. Despite the fact that he was an asshole I felt bad breaking up with him and also making him homeless at the same time. I didn’t expect that it was going to take him like 8 months to leave or that I would have to practically threaten to change the locks and put his shit on the front lawn to get him to finally move out.

Anyway, I joined tinder and bumble about a month after me and my ex split, it was sort of complicated because we were still living together. I did manage to meet a couple people, including this one guy. It was one of my first ever tinder experiences and to be honest it was enough to make me run fast and far away and never look back. You ever see a picture of someone and you feel like the room they’re in looks familiar, or that they look familiar but you can’t quite put your finger on who they are or what it is? That was how I felt when I matched with him. The rooms his pictures in were super familiar and so was he and one of the girls in one of his pictures but I couldn’t figure out why. I figured the girl was his sister or something so I didn’t question why there was a girl in a couple of his pictures. We started chatting, he was super friendly and charming and he sent memes so when he asked me to meet up with him I immediately agreed. This was back in the days where I really thought true love could be found on tinder.

He wanted to come to my house but that was obviously a no go since my ex was living there and could come home at any time. I always tried to be super upfront about my living situation when I was meeting someone new because I felt like it as unfair not to be. I also tried to be fair to my ex and not have men that I was romantically interested in in our apartment while he was still living there, despite the fact that I am pretty sure he didn’t have the same consideration for me. I offered to meet him at his place but he told me he had terrible roommates. He then proceeded to spend about an hour talking all this shit about his roommates and how awful they were, and how they used to be cool until they got married and now they hate each other, so it appeared that going to his place was also out.

We decided to meet at a park in the town where he was living. My sister lived in the same town as him and since I like to let someone know where I’m going and who I’m going with I decided to send my sister a picture of him and his phone number just so shed know where I was and who I was with if anything happened. That was when I figured out why everything about his pictures looked so familiar. HE WAS MY SISTERS ROOMMATE. Not only was he my sister’s roommate, he was living with his girlfriend of 10 years. Not only was he not single, he had just spent an hour talking shit about my sister and brother in law. What a scumbag! it was not actually surprising that he was a scumbag once I figured out who he actually was, I had heard plenty of stories about him and the type of person he was when he wasn’t bullshitting someone trying to impress them.

Here’s a little background on this… My sister had been renting a house with her now husband for about five years before this incident. It was kind of far away from where me and all our friends were living and they had a series of really shitty roommates, and the worst of them was this guy and his girlfriend. I had really only been to her house a handful of times and during those times I think this kid and his girlfriend had only come out of their bedroom for a total of five minutes and didn’t even say hello. So it was not totally crazy that I didn’t recognize him or her or the rooms his pictures were taken in until she pointed it out to me.

I was literally on my way out the door when my sister told me that this was her roommate and he was living with his girlfriend of 10 years. So I obviously told him I wasn’t going to meet him and asked him if his girlfriend knew he was meeting up with women from tinder, and that he was a lying liar who lies. He acted confused because “he didn’t have a girlfriend” so that was when I informed him that we had actually met before and that the terrible roommates he spent so much time talking about were my sister and her husband. Rather than admitting defeat he tries to tell me that he and his girlfriend had actually broken up but were still living together much like me and my ex. He said they hadn’t told anyone about the split and begged me not to tell my sister because he “didn’t want to stress her out”, he also begged me not to tell my sister about all the shit he had talked about her and her husband during our conversation.

I was obviously sending her the screenshots of our entire conversation. I don’t know how she managed to continue to live with him after that and not bring it up but somehow she did, and he never knew that she knew absolutely everything he said. The tinder guy and his non-girlfriend moved out a few months later- together-and are now engaged.  As for my ex, he finally moved out right after Thanksgiving two years ago- 8 months after we had broken up. Things had gotten pretty ugly and when he left he tried taking one of my dressers becuse “I gave it to him” (I didn’t- I allowed him to use it while he lived here, hardly a gift) and he took the toilet paper when he left because “He paid for it” (it was one of the only things he paid for the entire time we were together but ok)- as if I didn’t pay in days of my life that I could have been enjoying for every day that I spent with him during our relationship.

Harlot

So every once in a while I go on what I think is the worst date I have ever been on. First there was the guy who called me a racist because of the town I grew up in (which by the way is not a racist town at all…??) and practically yelled at me because it was our second date and I wasn’t gonna bang him, Then there was the lion- who told me he wouldn’t tolerate coffee consumption because “thats an addiction”, and lastly there was the guy who never got his drivers license because of 9/11. They were not bad guys just really weird. But my date from last Thursday definitely won the gold medal when it comes to the dating Olympics.

He had been messaging me on and off for a couple weeks. He’d start a conversation and then disappear for a week or two, come back and pick up where he left off. I mentioned I was newish to the city and he offered to show me around, I figured it couldn’t hurt to see some new bars. I had been sort of sick to my stomach all day when he asked me if I wanted to get a drink with him. Despite the fact that I wasn’t feeling that great I agreed to go out with him. I figured I could be miserable at home by myself or I could go out and grab a drink- it wasn’t like I was going to feel any better whether I stayed at home or not.

We agreed to meet at 7- I even texted him at 630 to confirm that we were meeting at 7, so I was more than a little annoyed when he texted me at 7:05 to tell me he was 8 minutes away. I considered leaving, but I had put on real pants and makeup and I already had a drink so I figured the least he could do was pay for my drink if he was going to be almost 20 minutes late.

I assumed he was probably coming from work which would have been a reasonable excuse, I get held up at work all the time- I don’t usually wait until 5 minutes after I was supposed to be there to let someone know, but I consider myself to be an extra considerate person. I found out this wasn’t the case when he informed me that he was on disability and hadn’t had a job since 2004. I try hard to not be judgmental about people on disability but dude- you could have at least shown up to the date on time since you and I both know you weren’t at work. Things are going ok- they weren’t terrible, but he was alot older than his profile said he was, he hadn’t worked in a very long time, had no long or short term goals, and he had a criminal record. He just wasn’t the type of person I saw  a future with, but I was already there so I figured I would just see this one through.

At about the same point that I realized there was not gonna be a second date he tells me hes going to “go outside and bum some cigarettes”.  My 36 year old date then drags me outside in the cold to bum cigarettes from people smoking behind the bar. Everyone has their vices, I get it- but at 36 years old you should be able to support your own habits. At this point it becomes clear that I am probably paying for my own drinks. He asks me if I want to head to a different bar he wants to show me. I say sure, to be honest I don’t know why I didn’t end the date at this point- I still wasn’t feeling well, and I wasn’t having a particularly good time, but I’m a really nice person and he was having a good time so we paid our separate tabs and head to the next bar.

We get to the other bar and it turns out hes a regular there. He starts sharing stories with the other patrons, and I am feeling super out of place. We stay for an hour or so and then he tells me to grab the tab. I end up paying the tab for the last two drinks. So to recap- he’s bumming cigarettes, I paid for my own drinks at the first bar, and both of our drinks at the second bar.

I really should have gone home after that. But if were being honest I really needed to get laid, and I’m having minor surgery at the end of the month that will put me out of sexual commission for a few weeks so I figure I would seize the opportunity to get it in with someone I didn’t worry about impressing to much and didn’t plan to ever talk to again. He takes me back to his apartment on the other side of the city and we start getting down to business when all of a sudden my stomach ache gets worse. I start feeling really sick and tell him that I wasn’t feeling well and that I need to leave. He tells me its late and I should stay the night plus “he wants to keep banging”. I again reiterate that I am not feeling well and am going home. He disappears into the bathroom and I hear the shower running. So at this point I figure its pretty clear to him that I am not feeling well and I am leaving. I pack up my stuff put on my clothes and leave. 10 minutes later I get a barrage of angry texts about how I “just dipped” “wtf is wrong with you” and my personal favorite “your tits aren’t that great I was interested in your personality but that just went down the toilet good fn luck maybe you should try not going home with people the first night if your gonna be a whore and leave”. Like DUDE first of all calm down, your dick game was mediocre at best. Second of all did you want me to projectile vomit all over your studio apartment? What did he expect I was gonna do? “Be a whore” and move in as opposed to be a whore and leave? He didn’t even wait for a response he blocked my number and unmatched me faster than he turned that bar tab over for me to pay.

I mean I guess in hindsight I probably should have just thrown up in his bed. Like hey dude I’m having a bad night and now so are you- but I really thought leaving was the appropriate way to deal with it, and I really don’t know how much more clear I could have been. Not that I really care what an almost 40 year old who cant even pay for his own drinks thinks of me, it was more that I just couldn’t believe that this grown ass man was throwing a literal temper tantrum via text messages. I guess the moral of this story is if he’s lame in the streets hes gonna be lame in the sheets and hes probably going to call you a whore.

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The Rockstar

So i know that I had previously mentioned that I was kind of seeing someone. Well that has ended. And now that that has ended I can tell you the story of my first date with the Rockstar. I was initially hesitant  to tell this story because I was actually sort of into him despite the initial signs that this would not become a great american love story.

We met on plenty of fish- he was really ridiculously good looking. He seemed nice enough and he was local so when he asked me if I wanted to meet him for drinks I agreed. The night we were supposed to go out there was a big snow storm- he wasn’t hearing anything about rescheduling and offered to pick me up since he had four wheel drive. Your girl isn’t about to get in any cars with any strangers summoned from the internet though so I sucked it up and drove myself to the bar during a blizzard. I have four wheel drive so it actually wasn’t that bad and I am being dramatic about driving in a snow storm. The bar we planned to meet at was closed so we met at the Chinese restaurant across the street. I was 10 minutes late- because its just who I am as a person and it was snowing. I got to the restaurant and it was basically just him and i and a couple of maitais things were going really well until he got up and went to the bathroom.

When he came back from the bathroom he was like a completely different person. He sits down at the bar and asks me if I want to go to his place or mine. I was like “together? bro this is a damn blizzard if either of us are going anywhere were going to our own homes alone” He continued aggressively trying to take me home and trying to make out with me in the middle of a chinese restaurant (romantic right). But the best part of the entire night was when he started talking about how great I was, and how any guy would be so lucky to have me. I was kinda uncomfortable with all that so I told him “maybe if you play your cards right it will be you” to which he replied “I’m a rock star…. I don’t play my cards right”.

I DIED. I didn’t know what to say. I was just like oh ok well I think I am probably just gonna go home then. The next day he still continued to text me as if he did not tell me he was a rock star who doesn’t play his cards right and my boss keeps telling me I am way to hard on the men I date so when he asked me out again I figured I would give him another shot. When we went out the second time he explained the whole rockstar thing to me. He said that hed gotten there early and when I was late he was nervous so he drank an entire maitai while he was waiting on me. Then when i got there he was more nervous so he drank another maitai so when he got up to go to the bathroom he was just drunk and thats where all the weirdness came from. Which if were being honest is totally understandable, I am a nervous over drinker as well and I once got to drunk and told my best friends husband that I can freestyle. I certainly cannot freestyle but the blackout drunk version of me thought I could and thought everyone should know about it, so realistically I cant fault him for that. Plus it was really funny and even though we aren’t seeing each other anymore it is still really funny.

I was actually kind of sad this ended. We had a lot of fun together and it had been so long since I had someone to just hang out with that I was really enjoying that, and he cooked me dinner which no one had ever done unless you count ramen noodles as cooking dinner. But he had a habit of making a lot of promises he couldn’t keep and he was incredibly flakey and after blowing me off three times over the course of two weeks and not making any attempt at rescheduling I decided to tell him that I was starting to feel very much like I was begging him to hang out with me and that was not something that I was interested in doing. I was nice about it, but I let him know that he was going to need to step up his game if he wanted to keep seeing me. He told me he was feeling rushed, which to me was a little surprising because he talked a lot about having a relationship with me, and made a lot of plans for things he wanted to do together and trips he wanted to take, and all I had really ever said to him about anything was that I wasn’t looking for a hookup and that if he didn’t think he wanted anything serious that I wasn’t the right girl for him. For mostly every thing else I was kind of just following his lead. But suddenly he was feeling rushed and didn’t know what he wanted so we decided we wouldn’t keep seeing each other.

It’s not that I’m impatient, or that I was trying to rush into anything. But if I have learned anything about dating its this- If a man wants you around he will make it a point to include you in his life and his plans, and if something bothers you right at the start of the relationship its never going to not bother you, and it will probably never change either. So as much as I liked him  it was probably better to cut my losses before I spent another four years with someone I had to beg to spend time with me. I am beginning to think I have some sort of dating curse. Like it seems like things go really well until I start telling friends and family that I’m seeing someone and then all of a sudden its all over. I mean its fine, because there’s a big part of me that was starting to feel like a trapped squirrel, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t bummed about it ending. I am not entirely convinced I wont hear from him again. Not that it would change anything.  There are plenty of other fish in the sea….. or rockstars on pof….. or wherever I was going with that.

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