Your Body is a Wonderland

Yesterday, a grown ass woman tried to argue with me that a fat chick is every man’s biggest online dating fear.

I’m not sure what her experience was, either with being fat or dating someone fat (maybe even both), but her statement is false. There is nothing wrong with being fat. Despite the popular narrative that fat people are disgusting and unhealthy, most of us are generally healthy, good-looking, and desirable people.

I will be the first to admit I spend more time on dating apps than the average bear. At this point, Tinder-ing has become a fun hobby rather than a serious attempt at finding a partner. IMG_5223On any dating app I use, I am always upfront about my body. I don’t hide my body with angles or contouring, or whatever other shit magazines tell you to do to give the illusion of a perfect ass.

My pictures are un-altered: full body and displaying all my so-called “flaws” in all their glory. No one should ever say they were surprised by what I look like in person; any man that chooses to talk to me is fully aware of what I look like. I have over 5,000 tinder matches (a number that grows daily), and I easily get 50 messages a week on various dating apps. All from men who are fully aware of my appearance, and are still interested in getting to know me, or know my body.

Of course, you can argue that guys will put their dicks in any available hole given the chance. But this is 2018, and it’s honestly not really that hard to get laid. There really isn’t a reason to have sex with someone you aren’t physically attracted to, even if it’s just a one time deal.

I’ve had a lot of casual sex. Guaranteed it has never been with anyone I didn’t find good looking.

Are there men out there with “please don’t be fat” in their profiles? Definitely, but only a handful of them a most. I think in two years, I’ve maybe seen, like, 5 of these profiles.

Who wants to date a guy like that anyways? He could be the hottest guy in the world, but if that’s the first thing he’s worried about, you’re going to have bigger issues in your relationship. Do you really want to  have to worry that your no longer attractive to your husband if you can’t get that baby weight off after a pregnancy, on top of everything else you’re probably worrying about? Nah, I think I’ll pass.

Bodies change. No one is going to stay the same weight the rest of their lives. Also, in most cases you can tell someone is overweight from their photos. Just swipe left if that’s not your thing.

The only time my body is ever discussed in a negative manner, is when I’ve rejected a guy. I’m told I’m “too fat” to reject them.

This is an unoriginal, immature attempt by a little boy who didn’t hear the word “no” enough while growing up. He tries to make you feel bad about yourself, because you rejecting them made them feel bad about themselves.

Of course, they are gonna call you fat. But I’ve also seen men call thinner women fat for rejecting them too. Its nothing more than a last minute scramble to find something that will hurt your feelings. These are small men, and the opinions of small men don’t matter.

There are also guys out there who will turn their attraction to bigger girls into some creepy fetish thing. But in my experience, for every one of those guys there are two normal dudes who just think I’m as attractive as I am. Plus fat or not, there are men who will literally turn anything into a fetish. In fact, recently a guy told me he had a fetish for getting kicked in the balls. I don’t think he was kidding.

Like many, I struggled with the way I looked. For a long time, I thought a fat girl was a guy’s online dating nightmare, or that no one was gonna want to be friends with the fat girl. I spent a long-ass time in my life letting myself be trapped in bad relationships and friendships because I thought that being fat made me less worthy of finding people that legitimately cared about me. I allowed people to treat me like shit, because I felt that I needed to settle for what I could get or I was gonna end up alone.

I blamed a lot of things in life on my weight, but one day I realized that I was allowing my weight to dictate way too many things in my life. I am actually dope as shit and I deserve way more than I was getting.

I realized that my body wasn’t what caused my issues with men, it was the way I saw myself. It was the things I accepted, and the ways I allowed myself to be treated by others. It was not only my biggest issue with men, it was honestly my biggest issue in life in general.

If you take nothing else away from this post, just know that no matter what you look like there is going to be someone who is going to like you for you. You should never feel like you should have to change anything about yourself, or sacrifice something you really want in life for a partner (i.e. marriage, children, cake). If we learned nothing from Steve and Terri Irwin, we learned that no matter who you are or what you’re into, there is someone out there for you.

No matter what you look like, you are still you. The most powerful thing you can do for yourself is to learn to like yourself for the person you are.

F words

I am a fat girl. I mean I am not gonna wind up on that show my 600 lb life any time soon but I’m fat and I own my fatness- there’s nothing wrong with it and I am not ashamed of it. I like myself, I like the way I look – sure i would love to lose a few lbs but I decided a long time ago that I am not longer going to spend my life agonizing over every calorie so I can be a smaller size so society will find me sexier. It is still possible to be “fat” and sexy, its possible to be fat and interesting, fat and funny, fat and smart. My fatness doesn’t take away from my ability to be attractive, or a good friend, or a woman worthy of finding a man.

So one thing that really grinds my gears is when men have to comment on my body. We don’t need to talk about my curves, we don’t need to call me a bbw, I am not thicc. You wouldn’t great a thin woman by saying something like “Hey gorgeous skinny girl” because if you did you would sound like a complete fucking weirdo. So why would you ever great a plus size woman that way. It is equally if not more creepy. I am not a circus animal, I am not an alien, and you do not deserve an award for being interested in me. I literally gag every time I open a message along the lines of “I love your belly”, “I love a BBW”.  And I am not downing anyone for being thin- I firmly believe that as long as you are healthy that you should be able to love your body with out anyone fetishizing you for it. My body type is not a fetish. I am a smart, strong, funny, attractive girl, with a great job who happens to really like cake  and vodka but has a pretty shitty metabolism.

These men though are the same men who will jump to calling you fat and disgusting as soon as you even hint at rejecting them for their creepy opener, or their lame ass attempt at trying to get in bed with you before even buying a single drink, further trying to act as though they deserved a medal and a small parade for even glancing in your direction. But if were being honest- and I am not trying to toot my own horn or anything, any time me and my smaller friends go out I am usually the one who gets the most male attention. I mean its probably because I have huge boobs and really sweet dance moves but the fact remains that someone has got to tell these men that they are not the only ones interested in bigger girls and that treating them like some sort of purple elephant is NEVER going to work for them.