Airplanes

Last weekend, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. It was fine, but he was a shitty tipper. If you know me, you know that is a huge deal breaker for me. If someone else is buying my drinks I probably shouldn’t be so critical, but having worked in the industry it’s just something I really notice. Aside from that, he was a nice guy, with a decent job, who came from a nice family. I wasn’t sure we really clicked, but I almost always feel like that after a date. I’m starting to wonder if I’m the real problem.

Before the date was over, we agreed to go out again on Saturday. We were going to meet for brunch at this restaurant I had been dying to try since I moved to the city.

He texted me a lot and always said good morning. It was something I really enjoy so I was thinking the tipping thing would be teachable. Before our brunch date on Thursday night, he asked me if I wanted to meet for drinks again. I said yes. By the time I was free it was kind of late and he was understandably tired. I offered to just see him on Saturday, but he invited me to his place instead. I sort of knew it was a booty call. I figured we were both adults and he was upfront about what he was really looking for a little second date schtokus wouldn’t hurt. Plus, I wasn’t sure about him anyways so I might as well get laid.

The sex was great, think like the episode of SATC when Charlotte is dating that guy who makes her blackout when he’s going down on her, great. It’s so rare that I hook up with someone and think ‘damn can’t wait to do that again’. I found myself in a sex haze, the kind that makes you think I can put up with someone’s bullshit because the sex is so great. You really start to wonder if the things you didn’t like about them were valid, or if you are just making shit up because your trying to protect yourself from getting hurt again.

The next day he started acting weird. That was when I realized he was one of those guys. The ones who lie to girls about what they are looking for to just get laid. (There goes my sex haze). Honestly, I didn’t think that was a thing guys had to do anymore, now that Tinder is a thing. But hey- I guess if this guy’s willing to spend $100 on a date to get laid and never talk to me again…he’s probably not the type of person I want to spend my time with.

He claimed he was sleeping all day. Part of me really wanted to believe that, but, I really could sense the bullshit from a mile away.  I wasn’t surprised when he texted me an hour before we were supposed to meet on Saturday. He bailed because he “wasn’t feeling good.” I knew he was full of shit. But on the off chance he wasn’t lying, I told him I hoped he felt better and let him know when I was free next. He never responded. I had already decided that I was going to get brunch whether he was with me or not.

I decided a long time ago I wasn’t going to do the things I wanted to do just because I didn’t have someone to do them with. Brunch waits for no man so I put my good butt yoga pants on and headed out.

It was BYOB. I sat at the bar and drank a bottle of champagne by myself. Halfway through my meal, two girls sat down next to me and commented how ‘ballsy’ it was for me to be brunching alone with my bottle of champagne. They were sisters, in town for a wedding, both living in different parts of the country. I gave them some things to do around town while they were here. I mentioned I wanted to visit Texas (where they grew up) but had been putting it off because I wasn’t sure what I would do once I was there. They made me a list of things to do and where to stay if I ever decided to go.

My time with those girls (and a bottle of champagne) got me thinking. I realized a long time ago, that I had put off a lot of things in my life. All because I was doing what I thought I was supposed to do and not the things I wanted to do. So I decided to book a flight. Flights were cheap. It was actually the second trip I’d booked this week. I guess you could say my life has become sort of  drinking game. Instead of drinking every time someone says the word ‘ass’ …..you book a flight every time your disappointed by a man.

I guess you could say that right now I’m on the verge of some sort of Eat Pray Love type of journey. Except for me its mostly just eating…. and drinking. Probably not good for my liver or the size of my ass but hopefully it’ll be good for my soul …..or whatever. At the very least I will get to see what else is out there, and maybe make a decision on where and how I want to restart my life.

Same Mistake

It seems like I always hear from the person I don’t want to hear from at exactly the time I don’t want to hear from them, and for whatever reason, it usually involves some sort of meme. I usually pride myself on my ability to let shit go, but for some unknown reason, this was one that I just couldn’t.

It happened a few months ago, I met a guy on tinder, and he asked me to dinner. I agreed to go, which broke my first rule of dating (never do a meal as a first date) and figured maybe I could steer the date into just drinks. After he asked me out I didn’t hear from him for a few days, so honestly, I was starting to think I was being catfished. I half expected to show up at the bar and have him just not show up.  He did, and I had a great time but he didn’t kiss me at the end of the date so I figured he probably wasn’t interested, which was fine, I was just gonna move on and keep on swiping.

I was more than a little surprised when he asked me to meet him again, but also glad because I had a good time with him which is rare on a first date. He had also found my tinder Instagram before we met up that first time and still wanted to meet me, so at the very least he had a sense of humor. Things were going well, or so I thought. I had decided to deactivate my dating apps, and I was getting really comfortable with the idea of regular sex and a drinking buddy.

Things started to look like they were going to get serious, I started telling my friends and family about him, and that’s when he broke things off with me. In a text, while I was at dinner with my mom with no real explanation as to why. I was pretty upset (like shed a tear in the restaurant upset….. and I didn’t even know I had tear ducts), but if he didn’t think things were going to work between us I wasn’t going to beg him to want to be with me. I kind of got the feeling he was looking for me to fight him on it, and the old me probably would have. But at this point, I’ve learned that 75% of the issues in my life could have been avoided if  I had just held the door open for the people who wanted to walk out of it rather than beg them to stay. So even though I was hurt and disappointed I just let it go.

As much as it sucked I wasn’t surprised. I had checked his tinder profile once or twice just because I was nosy and noticed that he had updated his profile. It was still pretty early on so I wasn’t going to bring it up until I had to, but since he ended things with me three days later it became a non-issue.

Of course, because I had told my friends and family about him I had to have obligatory “oh it didn’t work out I’m just gonna get a bunch of cats and die instead” conversation whenever they asked about it. They kept saying I would hear from him again but I didn’t really believe it or really want to to be honest. I deleted his number and any other semblance of him in my life, reactivated my tinder and slept with some 21 year old boy to numb my pain (because the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else right?).

Just when I started to forget about it I noticed him looking at my Instagram story for my tinder page. I was going to call him out about it, but my sister (and my voice of reason) told me to just block him and not think about it. So that’s what I did.

There were a few different times I almost reached out to him because something reminded me of him, but I refuse to be that person who doesn’t let go. Especially with someone, I didn’t know that well to begin with, and especially with someone who didn’t see how awesome I was. I made myself a promise a long time ago that I was never going to beg another person to give a shit about me ever again, and I won’t. After my last relationship ended I decided I was going to stop giving people so many chances. Mostly in relationships but I guess I should really carry that over to my friendships as well. 90% of the trauma that’s happened in my life could’ve been avoided if I hadn’t given the men I was with so many extra chances and opportunities to treat me like shit. It’s not that I’m punishing people in my present for the mistakes of my past, it a matter of knowing my own worth and expecting the people in my life to recognize it as well.

I had finally stopped thinking about him when I got laid off. The day I wrote my post about it I got a message on my personal Instagram. It was from him, and it was, of course, a meme because that’s what every guy uses to get to me when they really wanna get to me. I could’ve just ignored it, but someone pointed out that he had clearly read my blog post earlier in the day and that it wasn’t a coincidence, and I am clearly at a weak point in my life so instead it sent me into kind of a tailspin.

Even though the rational side of me knew that he didn’t somehow realize he made a mistake and he wasn’t making any sort of effort to rekindle anything with me I started overthinking it. I  started rethinking my whole no second chance thing, maybe if he was reaching out to try and start things again that I was being too harsh by not giving him a second chance. In reality, it was just a meme, not some gesture to try and get in touch with me again. I should’ve just blocked him and moved onIMG_3208, but obviously, my irrational ass didn’t do that. Fueled by tequila and a slight bit of rage,  I instead sent this message…. like two weeks later. I’m not even sure why I did it, it wasn’t going to change anything, In reality, he didn’t give a shit about me- and even if he did I know better than to spend any more time on someone who didn’t realize how great I was the first time around. If I can be completely honest though, even if I did sound kind of like a crazy person it actually did make me feel better.

I pride myself on taking all the bad things that happened to me and using them to make me better and not bitter, but somehow I feel like maybe I am being slightly bitter by completely cutting out the opportunities for second chances. Maybe it’s not about giving chances but about learning to recognize red flags and not make excuses for them. It doesn’t matter in this situation, that’s a dead issue, but I also don’t want to spend the rest of my life running from things because I’m afraid of wasting any more time or repeating the mistakes of my past.

Plans

Do men think we’re just sitting in our houses staring wistfully out windows, waiting for them to come and whisk us away from our boredom? Cause if that’s the case, you’re going to find my ivory tower empty. I waved at you when I passed you in my car going to work.

I work two jobs, take evening classes, and I have two dogs (one of which requires a lot of care) so personal time for me is very rare. I am not about to waste it on guys who waste my time. I have 2,500 tinder matches. I can assure you, you aren’t special. If you aren’t going to make plans with me and follow through with them, there is another guy that will.

Another thing is, I’m a planner. I plan things ahead of time because I have so much going on in my life. But it’s almost like guys don’t get that for some reason.

I was talking to this guy on and off for a few weeks, and he kept asking me to meet him for drinks. But it was always last minute, and by the time the invitation came around, I had opted to pick up a bar shift instead. It beats sitting at home by myself and staring at the walls.

He was kind of a creep right from the beginning, but that’s partially my fault. I have this really bad habit of swiping right on guys with creepy or overly sexual profiles because I think its hilarious. This guy, in particular, didn’t disappoint. He kept telling me he had a dick with “7 inches of girth”, and that he was using a profile with a fake name and a bunch of headless pictures so he could “show off his bulge” without his friends knowing about it. I think it’s a lot of effort to go through to hide the fact that you’re being a creep when you could just not be a creep but to each their own.

He probably asked me four or five times to meet for drinks, but I’m a planner. I make my plans ahead of time and if I don’t have anything planned and the opportunity comes up to make money, I am going to take it. Rather than being understanding or attempting to make plans with me for a day I wasn’t working, he decided to chastise me, saying I “wasn’t making time for sex. Because “clearly money was the only important thing in my life”.

First, calm down dude. I like sex just as much as the next person. But you know what else I like? Having money to pay my rent on time.

The Convenience Guy. Then there are the men who think the sun rises and sets on their schedule. The guys who will make plans with you but never follow through with them. They will ask you on Sunday to grab drinks on Tuesday but then you never hear from them till they text you again the following Friday trying to make different plans to make up for the ones they didn’t follow through with, and when you call them out about blatantly blowing off your plans earlier in the week they tell you they got “busy”. I’m busy too but you know what I am never to busy for? Picking up my phone and rescheduling my plans if I know I can’t make it, I don’t just completely blow you off and then expect you to want to make other plans with me. These guys can’t understand why you don’t want to make new plans with them either, like sorry buddy but you only get one chance to waste my time.

The Flaky Guys. I hate flakiness more than anything, I have literally ended friendships with lifelong friends over it. The worst guys are those who are just blatantly flaky. They make plans with you that they either won’t be able to or are unwilling to follow through with, but still keep you on the hook until the last possible minute. As if they are the only person on earth you can make plans with.

Remember the guy who didn’t drink? It didn’t work out, but it had nothing to do with the fact that he didn’t drink.

I had a great time with him on the first date, so I agreed to meet him for a second date. I actually had a Saturday night off for the first time in like six months, so we decided to get pizza after I was done hosting a bridal shower earlier in the day. He texted me that morning and asked if we could meet earlier because he had forgotten he had to go to a going away party that night for a friend who was moving. I wasn’t sure when I would be back from the shower and suggested making plans for another night. He didn’t respond.

Once the shower started to wrap up earlier than I expected, I texted him again saying I  would probably be able to meet earlier. Again nothing. I didn’t hear from him until later (15 minutes after we were supposed to meet). He wanted to make plans for the next day. Obviously, I had figured out we weren’t meeting that day, but it was too late to make other plans. So I wound up in bed by 10pm, on the first Saturday I had off in months.

I totally understand the priority of seeing his friend whose leaving (which may or may not have been a crock of bullshit, who knows), but it’s not something that should have taken all day to figure out. I wouldn’t have cared so much if he had told me at 10am that another night would work better for him, but instead, he dragged it out the entire day until the last possible minute when he finally backed out. So, I decided that even though I liked talking & hanging out with him, I didn’t want to see him again.

My time is a gift, and if I am giving it to you- you better damn well take advantage of it, and if you can’t you better let me know with enough notice so that I can make other plans. I get that things come up and shit happens, but don’t be a dick, be respectful of other people’s time and let them know you can’t make it if you can’t make it. I spent my entire early 20’s waiting on men who couldn’t show up, I refuse to continue doing it for the rest of my life.

I’ve learned a lot since I last became single and started dating with the intention of possibly starting a relationship, the hardest lesson I’ve had to learn was not to ignore the signs even when I really liked someone. If something a guy was doing bothered me at the beginning of a potential relationship, it will only bother me more as time goes on. I learned to pick my battles in terms of what types of behaviors I could live with, and what behaviors I would consider deal breakers.   I have wasted so much of my life and happiness on people and situations that weren’t right for me and I don’t want to continue to do that because it’s only made me miserable.

Just a Friend

Modern dating is lazy.

With the rise of dating apps (like Tinder), we have mediocre sex readily available in the palm of our hands 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It’s no surprise that no one actually wants to go on dates, or take the time to get to know each other anymore. Everyone just wants to bang.

Personally,  for every one date I go on I had to wade through 150 Sultans of Snatch . Here’s how you spot one: they think they are king of the clitoris, and they aren’t interested in getting together unless it means them getting laid.

It seems like every conversation lately is the same:

  1. They ask me what I’m looking for.
  2. I respond facetiously with something along the lines of “the love of my life”, or my personal favorite, “a victim for my human sacrifice”.
  3. They respond with “I’m just looking for a fwb and see what happens”.

I can’t even begin to tell you how incredibly lazy this is.

I’ve hooked up with plenty of these “see where it goes” guys. Spoiler, 9 times out of 10, it never goes anywhere except a random 2 am “you up” text every couple of months. I can guarantee you that I am almost never up at 2 am,  and if I am I probably don’t want your drunk ass near or in me.

Also, for whatever reason half the time when you tell a guy you’re not interested in casual sex, you get called “boring”. I’m not boring. I just know you’re too lazy to take a girl on a date before trying to hook up with her, and I know you’re probably not going to be very good anyway.

Example, I once hooked up with a guy who promised he was going to give me the best oral experience I was ever going to have in my entire life. Once he got down there, he didn’t do a damn thing. Absolutely no movement, and I wasn’t even sure he was breathing. I thought he died.

Once I realized I was wasting my best boob years on lame dick, I stopped the hook ups. I got nothing for it in the end, though I should get a trophy room full of Golden Globes, all in the category of Best Fake Orgasm. I would have a Hollywood Star at this point with the amount of orgasms I fake for “sex gods” who act like they’ve never seen a vagina before.

It is totally fine to not want a relationship, and it is totally fine to just want to get laid. For a long time, I was like that. You just need to be upfront about the fact that you are just looking to get laid by someone you never want to talk to again. There are plenty of people out there looking for the same thing.

I’ll be honest- I have a FWB. But in my situation, the intent was never to ” see what happens”. At the beginning of our arrangement, we had an honest discussion about what we expected of our arrangement. There was never any sort of gray area. He is younger than me (but not creepily so),  and we are at different points in our lives where a relationship could never work between us.

He is very aware that I am dating, and if I were to pursue a relationship with someone else then things between us would end. We are the very bare minimum level of friendship. We don’t cuddle. We don’t hang out. Just sex that is satisfying for both of us while we seek to date other people who are more appropriate for the point we are at in our lives. No confusion, and no hurt feelings.

Telling me you want to “start as FWB” tells me that you don’t want to put in the effort to get to know me before sleeping with me. Despite this, you hope I will sleep with you anyway, we have enough sex and we tolerate each other well enough to move onto a “real” relationship, and BOOM. Instant relationship, with minimal effort on your part.

Maybe this has worked for some people, but in my experience, a relationship where the foundation is sex doesn’t work.

Fun fact, this is how my last relationship started. I was fresh out of a bad marriage, and didn’t know how to be alone. I wound up in this FWB relationship that eventually became a “real” relationship. I was lonely, and he needed someone who was going to take care of him. We got comfortable in this toxic, but mutually beneficial relationship.

It came to a screeching halt when I finally realized after four years that he didn’t mean it when he said he loved me. I realized, too late, actions speak louder than words.

It took me four unhappy years to realize that a mature relationship didn’t mean having to act as someone’s mom. I decided that being alone and unhappy was much better than being with someone, and still feeling alone and unhappy.

Champagne Problems

Last night, I matched with a guy on Tinder who seemed really great. We talked for a while, and eventually he invited me to dinner. At that point, I was already in the process of cooking and couldn’t really stop and change my plans, so I asked him if he would be available to meet for drinks in a couple hours instead. He said yes, then added that he didn’t drink but he really liked ginger-ale. Cue internal screaming.

Lately, I’ve been encountering a lot of men who say they don’t drink, and every time I hear it I instantly lose interest. I know this makes me sound like a raging alcoholic, but hear me out on this.

Alcohol is not a deciding factor in my life, I really don’t drink that much compared to other people in my age group, but when I see myself in a relationship, I see myself with someone who will go out with me on a Friday night and have a few drinks in a beer garden, or at a bar. It’s something I could never really do in my previous relationships. If we’re being honest, getting either of my ex’s to even spend time with me was like pulling teeth.

If I am going to have a relationship with someone, I don’t want it to be another relationship where I have to do everything alone, or one where I get criticized by my partner for going out and having a couple drinks with friends. I literally spent 10 years in relationships where I had to go to events by myself because I had partners who didn’t drink. When I was able to convince them to go somewhere with me, most of the time they would sit and pout and be rude, to both to me and anybody with us. It was embarrassing, and I really don’t want to have to deal with a lifetime of similar situations.

My other reservation is like- what do you do on a first date then? I generally try to avoid going for a meal on the first date, opting for drinks instead. Drinks are fast and easy, 20 minutes tops, and there’s no pressure. And if things aren’t going well you can leave after one drink, rather than staying for an entire meal, which can be upwards of an hour or more. Also, if things aren’t going well during the meal, it honestly feels a lot like being held hostage.

I like the option of being in-and-out if I need to, and it’s also cheaper. If we wind up splitting the bill or I pay, I don’t end up spending a bunch of money when I didn’t have a good time. If he pays, I won’t feel so bad about not wanting to see him again.

Recently, my dating app conversations usually go like this- they ask if I want to get together, I suggest we meet for a drink, they respond with something along the lines of “I don’t drink but we can smoke a blunt if you want”, I tell them I don’t smoke, and plans are never made.

I don’t have an issue with weed, but all my last ex ever did was smoke weed to the point where we couldn’t do anything that didn’t revolve around it. He was constantly spending all of his money on it, to the point that I wound up paying for almost everything when we lived together. I know that in most cases this is not the norm. I also know that the real reason he was like that wasn’t because he smoked weed, but because he literally didn’t give a shit about me or anything I cared about.

Still, I can’t shake the internal cringe I feel every time a guy suggests smoking a blunt as a date. I know people are fully capable of smoking and not being a dick about it, but something about offering to take me on a “blunt cruise” as a first date is a real turn off.

Surprisingly, that’s not what happened this time around. He didn’t offer to “smoke me up on a blunt”, he just accepted my bull shit excuse and my promise that we could meet for an appetizer later in the week. He even continued the conversation. That was when I started wondering if I was just being a giant asshole in not giving this seemingly great guy a chance, just because he didn’t drink.

I am such a proponent of not letting the bullshit from your past relationships affect your present life but here I was doing exactly the thing I tell so many people not to do. So, when he gave me one last chance to meet him for appetizers that night, I impulsively decided I should just meet up with him. It wouldn’t kill me right? Plus, the meal I cooked sucked anyway.

We met for appetizers. He wound up being pretty great.

I still have my reservations about dating someone who doesn’t drink, but its only been one date. Also, if he can not be a dick about the fact that he doesn’t drink and I do, I think he and I could have a lot of fun together. I guess we will see.

 

The tipping point

Sometimes I wonder if I have become so comfortable and attached to my singleness that I’m unintentionally sabotaging potential relationships because I’m just not ready to give it up. I always start dating a guy and at first, he’s cool but after a couple weeks, I start finding something wrong and slowly but surely this (probably small)  thing becomes a massive deal breaker. Its like I’m the Goldilocks of men- Goldi-cocks if you will.

I once went on a few dates with a guy who was a restaurant manager. He was really nice to me whenever we went out but he had nothing to talk about except his job. He was so obsessed with his job that two of our dates were to the restaurant he worked at. I asked him what his long terms goals were, which for me means things like do you want to buy a house or have a family but the only goals he had were career goals and his career goals all had to do with this one restaurant he was working in. It got incredibly boring really fast- and I work in the industry so I get how consuming it is but he literally had nothing to talk about. He also treated the waitstaff like shit, he would go into “manager mode” (his words) and start acting like an asshole to whoever was taking care of us. It was obvious that he had never been a waiter ever and it was really embarrassing especially for me who waitresses part-time.

I really believe that the way a guy treats waitstaff is a really good indication of how they are going to treat you. So things, like being rude or not tipping the server, are huge issues for me.  I always make it a point to watch how much my date tips the waitstaff. Tipping is 20% if you are too cheap to give your server a good tip for decent service than I don’t have time for you. I have been on a ton of dates and I have never once had service that was so bad that it warranted a shitty tip. If you are having a good time with the person you’re with you shouldn’t even be focusing on the server.

Also, I know its 2018 but I literally cannot stand men who smoke pot. Like it’s not even about the pot-  smoke all the pot you want but it’s this whole 420 friendly stupidity that I can’t stand. I realize that the fact that I don’t smoke is like a rarity but like what if I told you that you could smoke weed and not have to talk about it all the time. Its the equivalent of a cross fitter or a strict vegan. I don’t feel the need to tell everyone I’m vodka friendly….  just smoke your devil’s lettuce and shut the hell up about it. As long as your not spending all your money on weed I could really care less if that’s what you do to unwind. We all have our vices, as long as you can support your habit, pay your bills you do you, but for most of these guys, this is like a lifestyle much like the “manager mode” guy I dated it doesn’t seem like they have anything to talk about other than smoking pot.

Maybe these things aren’t as big deal breakers as they seem. As much as I like to think I’m like the dream girl maybe I am just not as ready for a relationship as I thought I was. I feel like everything in my life is so up in the air right now. Like I’m not even sure what I want anymore. I have been feeling very out of place in my own life lately, I uprooted my entire life to take a job that I thought would advance my career but all that job has done lately is kind of make me sad. I kind of realized lately that I don’t know anymore where I want to end up, that I have always done things that weren’t right for me because I was afraid of hurting people or leaving people behind, and in doing so I was the one got left behind.

 

 

Saint Gertrude of Nivelles… The Patron Saint of Cats.

I find it incredibly appropriate that March 17 is Saint Patricks Day as well as Saint Gertrudes day. Maybe its because I’m 1/2 Irish and almost every date I go on makes me want to get another cat (the count is at 3 right now- just so were clear).  Saint Patricks Day 2018 was a day that further solidified that maybe I should give up on men and continue on my path of Cat Ladydom.

In addition to a my full time job I also work part time in a bar that I’ve worked in since I was a teenager. Its an hour from where I  live now but I like working there because I know alot of the customers and I have been working there about 100 years so its comfortable, and without fail theres always something weird happening.

Last weekend I waited on a table of guys- and I am always super friendly and talktaive with my tables, partly because I’m friendly but mostly because I’m a waitress and it is literally my job to be nice to you. We wound up learning that one of the guys knew my little brother so we talked about that for a little while- the bar closed and I started heading home. I get a facebook friend request from one of the friendlier and better looking guys at the table. We had been joking earlier in the night about how bad we are at names so I decided to message him and comment on how proud I was of him for remembering mine. It was that moment where he unleashed his barrage of invitations for sex at his parents house (he was a college student about 22 years old home on break, and I am a grown ass woman who 1- doesnt sleep with customers and 2 doesnt sleep with boys in their moms basements) Here are some highlights “I’m not the kind of girl to come by at 130 in the morning- Good thing its 134 plus I came by your place all night so now its your turn” “Do you always try to booty call your waitresses? – No but I thought you were interested because we kept talking” and my personal favorite “if you ever wanna get dinner I am totally that kind of girl, I also make a great friend. – Well technically we already had dinner, I offered you cheesy bread- that is true I guess i better put out after all- yeah you should that was like a beautiful candle lit cheesy bread dinner”.

While all of this is happening a guy who had added me on facebook from tinder also started messaging me. I really need to stop letting the guys I’m trolling on tinder and POF add me on facebook/ snap chat/ follow me on instagram. It’s just getting to weird- I had let another guy add me on fb and he stumbled across my truelifetinder instagram page and now he wont stop sending me links to his facebook meme pages. THEY ARENT EVEN GOOD MEMES. I digress- so while this horny teenage boy is fb messaging me inviting me to his moms basement this guy that I let add me on FB starts sending me videos of him playing guitar.  No explanation at all just videos of him playing guitar and finally he says “this is just for you” I was just like oh…thank you? and starts going on and on about how he cant trust anyone other than his dog and how his dog is so scary and how he only talks to me because he wants to be my FWB but I wont let him be my FWB. At this point its like 330 in the morning at this point and I am getting a barrage of messages asking me if I want “DP” so I can see what i would get with “FWB” at this point I just stop responding because I have no idea what hes even talking about. I think I was just to tired at that point for it to register to me that “DP” meant dick pic.

Every day I am just one bad date or DM away from getting more cats. It occured to me last week that my only hobby is literally going on dates for free vodka and making fun of guys on the internet. So I have been valiantly searching for new hobbies for people who don’t have hobbies. So far Ghost Hunting, and Falconry are very strong possibilities for me. I actually have met one guy who I have been seeing for about a month so I have not actually been going on dates with anyone other than him.  But that is starting to slow down and I am starting to feel like we are at the end of that road- which is fine. He did warn me on our first date that he “is a rockstar and doesn’t play his cards right”. Which I guess would be what made him exactly my type. Maybe there will be more on this situation at a later date, but since I am sort of unsure where this path leads I don’t really want to say to much on that subject. So for now I will stick to sort of dating a rock star (I have been calling myself the future girlfriend of a rockstart, because lets face it he said something so ridiculous that he needs to be picked on for it for the rest of our time together”  and continuing to terrorize dudes on Tinder. I know I can still see other people but at the moment I just don’t have the energy to continue to go on 3 bad dates a week when I have a situation going thats sort of pretty ok maybe. So I don’t know whats gonna happen with that but maybe I’ll wind up getting myself a falcon and taking up falconry, or maybe I’ll volunteer at an animal shelter and take home a couple more cats. Maybe I can be the new patron saint of cats, its 2018 anything is possible.